Crumbs on the Shelf

Speaking of boobs.

I have an eating problem.

No, not the one where I eat more than the allotted portion for a standard human. That problem...well will never go away.

The problem is that I'm a slob. I'm messy. I can't keep my breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner off my "shelf" area.

And, by shelf I mean my rack. My boobs. Thing one and Thing two. (sorry Amy!)

I swear I need a bib when I eat!

Today I was famished so I got a hot dog (extra mustard and relish) and went to get the kids. No sooner did I have a huge glop of must-ish smack dab on the center of my shirt. Between the girls.

No water in the car so i'm frantically wiping the area with Pepsi and a napkin and I reek of a hot dog cart.

With no time to go home and change, I'm standing in front of DQ's classroom and of course, a friend walks up.

My schpeil, as always, is pathetic at best but I HAVE to explain the yellow stain on my shirt.

Darn why couldn't I have a huge brooch or something to cover it up?

Anyway, if you're ever curious what I had to eat, just look below my eye-level. You'll be able to tell by the crumbs collecting on the shelf.


58 supporters in group:

  1. tollesons4him said...

    Girl I can relate to you on this. I am known with my family and close friends as Oopsie bear (the care bear) because it never fails anytime I eat I drop food on me....

    I have heard but yet to try the tide pen they say it really works, I guess I need to get one and see for myself.

  2. Krystyn said...

    I totally feel you...and now my shelf is bigger than ever (thanks to the baby) and then there's my belly. I'm really a mess!

  3. Allison said...

    I have the same problem and when I was pregnant with the baby it got worse. A pregnant belly is a food magnet!

  4. georgie said...

    Oh I am right there with ya Sistah! last yr at my nephews graduation i wore a white shirt to an italian restaurant(yes smart i know) well my cousin was on the sidewalk with me rubbing her tide to go all over my boobs after dinner...all those poor men talk about dinner and show yep thats me TYVM

  5. Ashley said...

    You just posted my life story. I can't eat ANYTHING without having to look down and check for stains or at least wipe the shelf off...

    I have so many shirts with those "grease" stains on them and they are always in the exact same spots...right between the girls on the shelf. I swear its a curse....I think someone needs to invent a "Shelf Liner" for women who can't control their food!

  6. ali said...

    I never have that problem EXCEPT when I'm eating in a group like at a birthday party, family get together, or hubby's office party:(

  7. Linda S said...

    I've got one word for you...SALSA.

    I think maybe that's why those big scarves that loop around the front are so big now...I'm getting one in every color. It's either that or disposable lobster bibs. What do you think?

  8. Khadra said...

    Oh yes, I have this problem too. The worst is eating something crumb-y. I always forget to look down and then end up walking around with a crumb covered rack.

    stains you can blame on the kids, but crumbs? Im not so sure.

  9. Bridget said...

    ahhh yes, I have this same problem. It seems also that I don't own one shirt that doesn't have some sort of stain on it!

  10. Michelle said...

    This was me the other day. I swear I had just about everything we were eating on my shirt! The worst is when the food can actually fall in the cleavage!!! Can you fish it out without anyone noticing??

    BTW: Awesome blog!

  11. PaulsHealthBlog.com said...

    But if we look at what you've had to eat, then us guys get in trouble...

    We just can't win!

  12. Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

    hahahahaha

    I usually have a crumb covered rack too! Them girls get in the way!!

  13. Desiree Fawn said...

    These days my belly just catches everything ^_^

  14. Nina said...

    I have the slob problem as well but my mess falls further down my shirt because their is nothing their to stop it...LOL.

  15. Lori said...

    I have no boobs, therefore I do not have this problem. My droppings usually end up in my lap, which, in my opinion, is even more embarrassing.

  16. Jenny said...

    Yes. There should be a "Boob Shelf" club. The secretary at Macy's school and I talk about our food catcher all of the time! Too funny. And irritating.

  17. Tenakim said...

    My husband and I are the same way. I also cannot do a white load of laundry- no matter how careful- without a bleach spot somewhere on the clothes I'm wearing!

  18. Brooks said...

    I should seperate my shirts into a set of shirts that have boob stains and a set that are boob stain free! There will not be very many in that latter pile.

  19. Ranch Girl said...

    pepsi and a napkin?! i laughed out loud at that. me? well, my shelf is, well, shall we say almost nonexistent? nothing gets caught there - it either heads toward my belly shelf or hits my toes!

  20. Lindsay said...

    LOL.. my shelf likes to collect things as well.. to make matters worse my mom always did that so around family or friends that know my mom.. they say wow your turning into your mother!

  21. JLT6907 said...

    LOL...that's funny! Too bad my shelf cant collect crumbs lololol

  22. Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

    LOL... this is hilarious! My hubbie has this same problem, but sans boobs. :)

    Happy October!

  23. Leah said...

    thats pretty funny! I am a messy eater too...especially when I try not to be!

  24. Clare said...

    OMG, I am totally laughing at this because my husband swears that I am always dropping stuff on myself!! hilarious!

  25. The White House said...

    You crack me up! That is hilarious. Have you seen that Tide Pen commercial where the guy is trying to hit on the girl and the stain on his shirt is totally dominating the conversation? That is you. Maybe invest in a couple Tide pens, one for the car, one for your purse.

  26. Corey~living and loving said...

    tee hee...thanks for the giggle. You sound like me. whenever there is something wrong with me, a stain, a pimple or something, I have to point it out to everyone I meet, so they know I know it is there, and horrible. LOL

    have a great day!
    I'm stumbling this post.

  27. Tena said...

    HA HA HA!
    Guess this is one good thing about having small boobs!

  28. Tracey said...

    Sounds like me. Whenever I wear a white shirt I know that it is a matter of mere seconds before it is stained.

  29. Jo-Jo said...

    I tell everyone I have to feed my girls because I do the same thing!

  30. Rachel said...

    LOL -- I never understood that problem until I "bought" some girls of my own. Now, I find crumbs and spills on my "shelf." lol

  31. Jenni Jiggety said...

    LOL! Again with the boobs and again I have to be jealous!

    My food falls right down onto my lap!

  32. amelia bedelia said...

    I have a shelf too. It's nice for when you need an afternoon snack.

  33. Shannon said...

    I used to do that all the time when I was pregnant - but it landed on my belly and I usually 2-3 hot dogs :-)

  34. Darcie said...

    Sweetie...I don't own clothes that aren't stained. I know your plight all too well.

    Oh, and hey, I have an award for you! :) Go see my latest post.

  35. jill jill bo bill said...

    Too funny! And from someone with small boobage, it's worse when it hits your pudge. I think you are #4 also. And when that shirt gets too small for your boobs, I want to call dibbies on it. Too cute!

  36. Ramblin' Red said...

    I have this problem too - especially when I eat toast for b'fast and I have a cami on. Then it really is CRUMBS on the SHELF (bra). Annoys me to no end!

  37. Charming Lamb said...

    Try wearing a bullet proof vest on top of large boobies!

    When I was in the police academy my sergeant used to tell us girls that after we graduated and started eating out in uniform - we better check our "crumb catchers" before we leave the restaurant!!!

  38. Tara R. said...

    I can't make it through a meal without dropping something down the front of my shirt or in my lap. I keep one of those Tide pens in my purse. It works great!

  39. Tiffany said...

    LOL Maybe you should keep a scarf in your car. And I collect crumbs. especially from chips. LOL

  40. Amy said...

    I can relate to this too! My husband is forever making fun of me. I've learned to carry a little Oxy-spray thingy around in my purse - and much to my surprise it works 85% of the time!

  41. Jay @halftime lessons said...

    (again blushing...)
    um...you've got something on your...um...no right...um...there...

  42. Cathie said...

    Yeah that is a problem for me as well. I just tell people I am saying it for later, when the hunger pangs strike and I am too lazy to get my rear off the couch.

  43. jenboglass said...

    I'm afraid I'm a little more on the flat chestie side, but I still have my lunch on my girls. Only when people stare below my eye level they really ARE looking at my mustard stain, not at my rack.

    I found you through Happy Meals & Happy Hour via Heinous. It's kind of a blogging three way. It's funny over here. Glad I stopped by.

  44. Kristen Andrews said...

    I wish I had a rack, mine are so saggy from nursing. I swear everyone tells you to nurse just so you will also get saggy boobs! maybe tmi but hey you brought up rack.

  45. Wendi said...

    I hear it makes a great spot for a snack.
    But, I wouldn't know anything about that.
    My crumbs usually just fall down my shirt.
    Must not have a large enough "shelf"!

  46. Shannon said...

    Oh, yeah... I can relate!

  47. Marla said...

    the shelf... the reason i buy 10 white t shirts at old navy every 6 months... no amount of shout will do!

  48. Merrie said...

    My biggest problem is that I tend to wear vneck low cut tops, and well...things go down there. Now and then I actually find food in my bra, and I've even stained one with red wine. *sigh*

  49. Carrie said...

    LOL, I could have written you post.

    That reminds me, I need to change my shirt. :D

  50. Kristy said...

    I wish I had that problem! :)

  51. Melinda Zook said...

    I totally wish I could relate but unfortunately...the rack I have just lets the crumbs slide down...is it sad though that even though we are talking about crumbs, I am still jealous of you?

  52. Laura said...

    My husband thinks this is a genetic problem since everyone in my family seems to get something spilled on them at meals.
    Bring back the bib.

  53. Minxy Mimi said...

    HAHAHAHA
    I have that lovely shelf too!!

  54. Rebecca a.k.a. Mum said...

    Good thing I don't have much of a rack :( or otherwise I would be in the same predicament as you...lol

    You need one of those stain pens to keep in your car girl, they are fabulous and have saved me several times from *unsightly* stains!! :)

  55. Aubrey said...

    LOL
    The only time a woman would ask for someone to look below eye-level!
    You're so funny Jen!

  56. Heather @ A Boy, A Girl, A Pug said...

    So maybe I should be happy that I don't have a "shelf"! My crumbs just fall straight to the floor!

  57. Mekhismom said...

    I have the same problem. A big rack! Great header btw.

  58. Ms. Bar B: said...

    Sometimes I think boobs are just food magnets. You just can't get around it. The boobs just jump up and grap whatever is in their sight.

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