Smile. Say Thank You. Move On.


The RIGHT way to take a compliment:

Friends (3 of them at last night's Bunco): Wow, you look like you've lost weight!
Me: Really? Thanks, i'm trying.

The WRONG way to answer:

Friends: Wow, you look like you've lost weight!
Me: (face contorting in horror) (turning my head back to look if they're talking to someone behind me)...Are you kidding, NO. NO Way. Especially not this week. This is bloated week. I had 4 brownies for dinner last night. Seriously do you want me to show you my muffin top? OMG. Thanks, but really. NO. Nope. Not even close.
Friends: (slowing backing away from me) sorry. we. said. anything.

What is it about me (maybe some of you?) and not being able to take a compliment and go with it. Why must I feel there's an ulterior motive?

(friends huddling to discuss my current state of fat/thin-ness): okay when she comes in, look normal. she's had a tough week. she looks down. the kids were crazy today. she didn't post on her blog. is she okay? casually go up to her and compliment her.

That doesn't happen. Why must I imagine such ridiculousness and just take the dang compliment? True or not.

I have a vision of myself that is anti-Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, very un-blonde, and very SAHM-who eats alot-fullish-figured. Even was I was hot-ish in a bikini (pre children) I always had something to bag on myself for. It's just me. I'm self-concious or just have low self-esteem. Whatever. Will I ever "grow out of it," probably not.

I should just learn to say thank you and move on. Reminding me of our trip to the store the other day, Hubby and I were walking back to the car with our groceries and the bagger pushing the cart. Like always, I ask, "how are you?" and usually get a response of "fine, and you." and that's about it. Well, this girl really needed to talk this particular day.

She replied with, "well....I didn't get much sleep last night because...

[tuned out here to open car, help put bags in, buckle the kids up and start the car]

......and then I had to be at work at 11am this morning and I had just gone to bed at 5am.....

[pulling out of the parking space]

....so when I get to work today I'm totally exhausted......

[home unloading groceries]

.....see you later!!"

Poor thing. Now I know what I sound like.

22 supporters in group:

  1. Jen @ Daily Mish Mash said...

    I'm the same way!! I always have to try to make excuses for why someone would want to compliment little ole me. It's actually kind of sad, really. I've actually gone as far as answering a compliment to something I'm wearing with "Oh this, I got it on sale at Kohl's for like 10 bucks" Why would I feel the need to tell how much I paid for something. Pathetic!

  2. Rebecca A.K.A. Mum said...

    I am sure you do look great Jen...take the compliment and move on lady! hehe

    Thanks for the giggles at the moment, with 3 whiny kids and a tired mumma a smile on my face was much nicer than the frown that has been there all morning.

  3. Darcied said...

    It's not just you. I have that same problem.

    Oh, and speaking of compliments. Your new design is very cute.

  4. Tara R. said...

    Hubs favorite retort:

    ME - do these pants make me took fat?

    Hubs - sight makes you look fat.

    I kid - but I'm the same way. Can't take any kind of compliment without thinking, what was wrong with my hair before, the other pants, the other colored top... you name it, I question it.

  5. Kristen Andrews said...

    I think as women we have a hard time taking a compliment we always think people don't really mean it but sometimes you just have to say "Thanks that is really kind" or how about "you are right I do look great"

    Girl power to all!

  6. Jonny's Mommy said...

    I alwaaaays do that!

    I can not take a compliment for anything.

    And yeah, I sound like that too.

  7. The Walsh's said...

    Oh I can so relate to this...

    I do it when people compliment an outfit or a new pair of shoes too...I say, "Really? They were in the bottom of a 75% bin at TJ Maxx for $2.99?!" Why can't I just pretend that I spent hundreds and that I am so put together?? It probably has something to do with the fact that when I was younger and people said they liked my outfit, my Mom would say, "YARD SALE, BABY! 50 CENTS!" I was always so mortified, but now I'm finding myself being just as proud of bargains...

  8. Tenakim said...

    I do the exact same thing- and always kick myself afterwards about what a doofus I must have been not to gratefully accept the compliment!!! I try to teach my girls to accept compliments and so far so good!

  9. Corey~living and loving said...

    It is my feeling that we all are much harder on ourselves than we need to be.

  10. The Mom said...

    Thanks for all the support!

    I just think if it were any other way we'd end up sounding snobby or annoying. Sometimes we just can't win.

  11. *Becky* said...

    Mind reader! I was just contemplating blogging about a similar topic. Self image. Being raised by a male and having a very over weight maternal side it was interesting. I've always felt much larger than I actually am? I look back at pictures of years ago and remember distinctly how I felt about my thighs or my ass and now I think "girlfriend, I'd pay money for that". So the question is... what IS wrong with us? I'm sure in 15 years from now I will look at pictures of myself of current times and think "girlfriend, I'd pay money for that". Vicious cycle I tell you. For what its worth I think you are a doll and it sounds like you have a very active *ahem* bedroom life so......... (looking nervously left and right)

  12. Alice said...

    No weight comment since two kids pretty much did me in...oh and all the Hershey bars too.

    But I FINALLY saw Juno and I LOVED the song from it that you had going when I got to your site. ; )

  13. Danielle said...

    I am lmao! I do the same exact thing.. I was at the gym the other day and one of the girls was telling me how well I was doing, DID same thing! She actually said to me... The right response is "Thank you Linda" UGH. Can the earth just open now and swallow me where I stand - PA LEASE

  14. Amy said...

    You and me both! The other day at a party this woman came over to me and said "oh, you are so thin! How do you do it after having so many kids?". I say "oh, I just got my wisdom tooth pulled this week and haven't been eating that much." Um...she then says "ok, but you wouldn't be this thin just from a few days of not eating much."

    Why can't I just accept it? I always have an excuse or have explain to them that they are actually wrong. I am sure it has to do with self-esteem issues, etc. BUT at the same time, I really like who I am, so who knows?!

  15. Kelly said...

    Yep another fellow mom feels the same. Why can't we just say thank you graciously and move on.
    As far as the weight issue, well agreeing with Alice on that one..I too had 2 kids and that put my body through the ringer...

  16. Brittany said...

    I do the same thing. I am not sure if it is because I can't take a compliment, or I am so desperate for adult conversation, i take it wherever I can get it:)

  17. Ramblin' Red said...

    I usually take compliments pretty well, but not when it comes to 1)weight (because the truth usually looks like your wrong answer and I am a stickler for truth) and 2.) hair, because it usually comes on days that I don't do squat with my hair.

  18. Smart A$$ Mom said...

    Ah, the art of receiving compliments...regardless of accuracy-I always just say 'Oh Thanks so much! That is so kind of you!'

  19. Janel said...

    Oh, this is so much me!!!
    I posted about it several months ago actually. I do not know how to just say, Thank you.

    It was nice that you listened to the bagger. she must have needed someone to listen to her.

  20. Not Just Any Jen said...

    Jen, I am sure you look great, but I am like that too.

  21. SherE1 said...

    When people tell me that it looks like I've lost weight, I always seem to respond with "Oh, I just hide the fat well!" or "It's an optical illusion - black is slimming, you know." Then I kick myself and think the same thing - why can't I just say thank you?? I'm so annoying sometimes.

  22. Susiewearsthepants said...

    You are much harder on yourself than you should be. I have seen your pic and I wish I looked like you!

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