Tales From the Orthodontist Office

Yes, DQ still has braces.

We're still in Phase One. Luckily we've paid off phase one.

Who knows when the Phase Two bills will come.

But, this post isn't about DQ.

It's about me. And My Boy. And K.

The wait-ees in the waiting area during DQ's appointments.

The small ever-so-cramped waiting area. Well that's what it feels like when you're there for an hour. With 8 other wait-ers. And one sadistic toddler.

Oh there are toys.

Legos. Puzzles. Even this annoying clacky-Barney-clicky-thing. Plenty.

But, those get old after AN HOUR.

Most of DQ's appointments are 10 minutes max. Boom, from green rubber bands to pink. Boom, we're out.

Not last week.

K was on some tirade asking for something a million point two times.

A boy, maybe 12, waiting for his turn, shook his head and mumbled something to me.

Me: Pardon? I didn't hear you?
Him: I'm NEVER having kids, I couldn't take all those questions!!
Me: [laughing] yeah, they're all the SAME question too.

I channeled Napoleon Dynamite in my head, DUDE, you don't even know!

And that was just the incessant chatter portion of the wait.

Then K proceeded to sit backwards on a chair and fall in a matter of seconds. I scooped her up off the floor and asked if she was okay. Then she proceeded to yell, "mommy YOU MEAN, you poke my pits!"

OMG, I just picked her up off the floor!

By this time the sweat is pouring off me.

She starts poking and prodding her brother and they start a major fight.

Super duper. When the hell is this new-color-rubberbands appointment going to end?

I take her and My Boy to the car and buckle her in her carseat while she wails for the next 20 minutes.

I finally see DQ in the window motioning to me.

Oh sure, leave a 2 year old and a 7 year old in the car alone, so CPS can come. I wave her over to me.

Me: You can kindly tell them your sister is pitching the biggest fit of her life and they're lucky we're still not in the office.
DQ: Um. no. What's a good time for our next appt?
Me: One month, any time after 2pm.

Oh, and for the record, she got a spring that day. Which in itself still only took 10 minutes. WTF?!

42 supporters in group:

  1. Diane said...

    Ugh! Waiting rooms are the worst! My youngest daughter, between physical and occupational therapy, neurology, etc, usually has at least 3 appointments per week. I play ALOT of tetris on my phone!

  2. Robin said...

    I'm sorry, but I LAUGHED when you were talking about sweating. I have so been there!1

    Nothing like a good child-induced sweat covering your body to help maintain your feelings of "I AM in control of this!"

    :)

  3. Tenakim said...

    ugh- our braces seem to be a much simpler process than yours- I'm overwhelmed by phase 1- phase 2 thing- wow! Missed you so much - good to get back to normalcy (relative).

  4. pam said...

    I am so with you, why do kids always act their most charming in group situations? In small areas as well1!

    I keep telling myself to enjoy even those days, as all too soon I will be sitting on the couch by myself saying where did the days go when they were small?

    Oh, and my oldest daughter is getting braces this spring. (to her delight)

    Have a great day.

  5. Misadventurous Mommy said...

    I am one of the most impatient people I know (but then again aren't most moms that have to wait longer than 10 minutes with a bunch of grumpy kids?) Anyway I hate waiting and for some unknown reason the dentist office seems to always take the longest!

  6. Sarah said...

    I really enjoy reading your blog and seeing your pictures! I have given your blog an award for being one of the coolest I know! Stop by my site to pick it up!

  7. ♥georgie♥ said...

    I am so glad my braces days are behind us....we made an executive decision on braces, the bean with the most jacked up teeth gets braces the other 2 should count themselves lucky to have better teeth than the one with the most jacked teeth ....lol i kid i kid I can only hope the other 2 dont need braces-we cant afford them if they do!

  8. Michelle said...

    OMG! That sounds miserable. I try to avoid taking all the kids to wait but usually it can't be avoided. Children's Hospital in Denver is the worst! 30 minute appointments always take 3 hours.

  9. Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

    LOL...I tell my DD all the time..."you talk a lot" and she does...there are days I dont 'think she stops talking...and we have the same, sit and be still, issues at appointments even at 9 and 11...so unless I'm willing to let them have a handheld electronic game that disconnects them completely from the rest of the world...I don't see an end any time soon!!

  10. Mama2hre said...

    Oh! I have been there many times! Last weeknend, while eating out (what was I thinking) my daughter started screaming "Mama you hurt me! You poke me really hard, right here!" She pointed between her ribs. I didn't even touch her! Ugh!

  11. Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

    Yep...one kid sounds perfect right about now. Not that my one kid doesn't thtow fits, but when she does I only have to deal with her!

  12. Lindsey said...

    I tremble in fear, awaiting the day my children will need braces. Oh, the horror!

  13. Merrie said...

    Oh I do dread those days in the future. So far we've just had too many dentist appointments -- I can't imagine ortho!!

  14. Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

    Okay, I am trying to decide on braces. My daughter has straight top teeth but bottom are crooked. Son I can tell is gonna need them but how do you know when to start them. What age?

    I have totally been there with getting sweaty. You Mean Mommy, You Poke My Pits! LOL Too Funny!

  15. Aria said...

    Orthodontists are more sadistic than toddlers. The office staff were busy taking bets as to how long it was going to take you to leave the office... I know this. And whatever you do, don't miss the next appt. I missed one when I had a spring on mine (I had my tonsils out for pete's sake~ and the Ortho scolded me for missing the appt!) An extra two weeks of spring, an extra 6 months of braces...

    God bless ya for not willingly calling CPS yourself just to cop a break! (Joking, totally joking ~ about the action, not about wanting to!)

  16. Lindsay said...

    ooo I dread having to sit in an office with Sammy. I hold out as long as possible then I give him my cell phone (which he typically is not allowed to play with) and hope we make it!

  17. Misadventurous Mommy said...

    I have an award for you over @ Misadventures in Baby Raising

  18. Susiewearsthepants said...

    I confess that I got sick of taking my daughter to the orthodontist EVERY.SIX.WEEKS!!! I was asking for time off to take her all the time. Most of the time it would only take a few minutes. I can't imagine waiting that long with two other smaller children though. I'm sorry I laughed.

  19. feefifoto said...

    Does Mister-I'm-Never-Having-Kids think he never made his mom cuckoo in a waiting room?

  20. Heather of the EO said...

    Oh I hate it when I work up a sweat. Or should I say, I hate it when I'm so worked up that I sweat?

    May all future rubber band appts take ten minutes TOPS.

  21. Rachel said...

    LOL -- I'm not there yet (as far as braces go), but I know that I already hate waiting rooms. Even at 18 months, Ellie is BEYOND ridiculous anytime we have to wait for anything.

  22. Rachel said...

    Gotta love these appointments...urgggh

  23. Mariah said...

    I don't miss when my kids used to squirm around on the floar and yell that I was pinching them

  24. Heather said...

    You are so better than me on the braces part. My step-daughter is 11 needs them but we refuse to get them until she has ALL of her permanent teeth in. Because I had a friend that had to have them 3 different times because she got them at a young age before all of her permanent teeth were in and her teeth moved EVERY time she got a new one. I just figure wait till there all in and then we only have to pay for them once!!!

  25. ParentingPink said...

    I have sooooooo been there! I hate waiting with a 1, 3, and 5 year old in doctor's offices! It's all I can do not to go crazy. LOL!

    Glad you survived it and are ready for the next appointment!

  26. liz said...

    Yeah, we all swore we weren't going to have children either and look where that got us!

  27. Amy said...

    Okay I was laughing so hard! I only have two children but my first one (a girl) was our dream child! The second one (a boy) has driven me nuts from the moment he could crawl!

    Love the part of K in her carseat pitching a fit. I have so been there! Can't wait til next months appointment!!!! ;)

  28. Allison said...

    Is there any possibility that I will have two (maybe 3) perfect ones?

    Dude...I am scared to know!

  29. SweetPeaSurry said...

    I had braced when I was ... 15 I think. It really was a pain. I'm thinking about getting them again though, as I wasn't a very good girl with my retainer.

    Kids pitching fits. This is why I ADORE my nieces and nephews ... all 9 of them ... I can give them back.

    Have a good one!!! :)

  30. topsytechie said...

    Was that you in there this morning? Just kidding, although we were at the orthodontist office ourselves this morning. I'm thinking that next time, you might want to saunter back there with my boy and K and just casually let them start playing with the torture instruments. Might hurry things along next time, eh?

  31. Threeboys1mommy said...

    Does an orthodontist waiting room smell like a regular dentist office? The world can crumble around me if I'm smelling that stuff!... just 6 more months for my next appointment!

  32. mollybloom said...

    J got his off at the beginning of December. Just FYI---that's a thrilling 2 hour appointment. Oh, yeah, and then the nice assistant makes a big point about how it's $60 if he bends the metal in the retainer, $120 to replace each retainer---

    I think I have sufficiently traumatized J into not throwing his retainers into the school trash cans, but we have five more months to go . . .

  33. Ramblin' Red said...

    Hoo boy, that sounds like a fun one. We had the 7 and 5 y/o eqivalents of K at our u/s a few weeks ago. Somehow I thought they might actually enjoy seeing their new brother on screen - which they did, for about 5 seconds, not the 2 hours we were there!

  34. Jo-Jo said...

    I remember the braces days and the appointment days...well they are kinda like the dr visits for the boys....FOREVER!

  35. Leslie said...

    Oooh, thanks, I needed this birth-control story to scratch my baby itch. I'm good for at least another couple of weeks thanks to this story! That's part of the reason why I read all the mommy blogs, to remind me why it's just not time yet, haha!

  36. Shannon said...

    Ugh... I'm waiting for this day to come. We've already been told by the dentist that our oldest girl will need braces :(

  37. Bree Shaw said...

    lol, too funny! i am laughing b/c we have all been there and you put it into words so well! thanks for sharing, i hope the next appointment goes better.

  38. Lori said...

    And everyone wonders why I only had one child? I would never have the patience!

  39. Mrs4444 said...

    "By this time, the sweat is pouring off me." Sorry, but that cracked me up!! Poor thing. :)

  40. Kristi O said...

    I so feel your pain, two kids, two out of town orthos, sometimes drive 100 miles for just a 10 min appt. both springs, both won't wear rubber bands, the only good thing about it is that Red Robin was next door and they serve alcohol.... teehee

  41. Mom on the Run said...

    My husband just finished Invisaligns...which are so expensive. My daughter is in braces now. My younger daughter will likely have them in the summer. My son is only 5 so we have some time to save up money.

    Funny we had an ortho appt and I posted about my observations of the day on my blog. I chose our ortho office on the basis of recommendations from friends. Key feature: video game console in waitingroom!

  42. Semi-Slacker Mom said...

    Waiting rooms- one step away from Hell.

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