So Where is "Evan?"

My hubby's grandfather passed away when I was about 4 months pregnant with K.

I remember at his funeral, I felt the first kick in my belly from her.

I knew she was going to be his little angel.

So my children have one living "Great" grandparent, and it's often that we talk about great-grandpa and that he is passed on.

This has made a huge impact on K.

Frequently she talks about great-grandpa, though she didn't know him, but that she's aware "he's died."

Yesterday, out of the blue K asked me, "Is great-grandpa okay?"

Taken aback, I stuttered a bit, then came up with an answer for a 3-year-old.

I told her that he was okay and that he lived in heaven and that's where you go when you die.

"But, why did he die?"

He was sick and his body was tired.

"Where is EVAN?"

Heaven is....in the sky. (I'm going to blow this I know it)

"Can we fly there?"

No, you can't.

"Are there stairs? Magic stairs?"

No, you can't get there by magic stairs.

How do you get there? Has daddy been there?"

Gulp! Um...no daddy hasn't been there. You can only go when you die. (please stop asking me these tough questions, can we talk about Strawberry Shortcake instead?!)

Luckily at that moment, my son jumped into the car and I started talking to him about his day.

Hopefully, the rest of the week I'll be spared discussions on sex, death, or politics with the kids.

7 supporters in group:

  1. Sarah said...

    We actually talk about death quite often - our best friend died when Cam was 1.5 and we talk about him often. Then our dog died so we had to revisit it.

    My problem is when Cameron (age 5) presses me on where babies come from. He's way over the "mom and dad loved each other so much a baby was made" he wants details. I'm just not ready. lol (I think his peers at school are talking...so I will HAVE to too, damn it!) FIVE...he's only FIVE! ack!

  2. Kelly said...

    Definitely a tough subject--we had to broach it with my oldest when he was five and a good friend from preschool died in a car accident. That was really hard because he always said that he was going to marry her and it was hard to try to explain that she was gone--especially under the circumstance (her dad is currently serving 3 life terms as a result). This past summer we dealt with it on a smaller scale with the youngest (also 3) when we had to put our 16 year old cat to sleep. Now she will tell us that Belly is dead but is happy again.

  3. Carri said...

    I think you explained it wonderfully. I didn't like being told heaven was in the sky and that is where dead people go and then when I flew I saw above the clouds and no heaven or "my" dead people. Kind of disappointing. I remember having a similar conversation with my kids, now that they are in Catholic school the school get's to teach them and I get to listen and throw in my own thoughts. Luckily I have yet to fight with the school despite not being one bit religious.

  4. Frau said...

    Those are tough questions...but at least she ask them. Good luck with the rest of the topics you might want to brush up and get a script down.

  5. Mel Fraase said...

    That is tough, and we all do our best to help them understand at their level, somethimes its hard to simplify something that can be so complex. My 8 year old and I were having a Judiasim/Christianity dscussion last night!

  6. sanjeet said...

    This past summer we dealt with it on a smaller scale with the youngest (also 3) when we had to put our 16 year old cat to sleep. Now she will tell us that Belly is dead but is happy again.

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  7. kanishk said...

    Now she will tell us that Belly is dead but is happy again.

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