Where My Fantasy Bloggy-Road-Trip Dreams Die



So it's a huge dream fantasy of mine to be a famous blogger. Be invited to speak at a BlogHer conference and share my blogging story. Not this year of course because i'm still a blogging newbie of 4 months. But, you know, maybe in 2064.

So if Bossy can travel cross-country in her fancy Saturn-sponsored cars, then if I want to be sponsored by Volkswagen! And, I would prefer to have my old 1984 White VW Rabbit Convertible back from the land of the dead cars and drive that baby all over the US.

It's summer and all, I can take the top down and drive with the wind and bugs in my hair. I don't have a laptop, so maybe I'd ask Staples to sponsor me with some cool Ticonderogas and some legal pads for my great notes. Shoot, now that will require to mapquest all the public libraries on my route so I can borrow their computers. Hmm..this is sounding like the most boring road trip ever.

Well, so long as I have about 10 bottles of wine in my suitcase i'll be good.

What's that? Flashing lights and a siren. Crap. Good thing my cell phone is...somewhere in the car, since i've yet to leave CA and that whole "hands-free" law. And, while we're talking about distractions during driving...what about KIDS in the car with you. Fighting, screaming, throwing bottles at you?? Remember my other dream to patent the sound-proof car window in all cars to silence the chaos? I'd make millions.

Oh yeah. Pulling over. Don't get your boxer briefs in a bunch.

Registration expired? In 1996? Well, that's when I sold the car. How am I driving it now? It's a fantasy dude, give me a break.

That clanging in the back seat? There's nothing in my suitcase. Open it. Okay, but the wine has to be chilled and the corkscrew is in my purse.

You didn't want to have a glass of wine with me? You're not very friendly now are you?

Oh you want to see my ID again? The picture is so bad, but I promise you I won't be climbing over the seats today, ha ha, then who'd be driving? You just don't get my sense of humor do you? Follow you to your car? Well...we just met, but sure we can go for a little cruise, can I sit in the front?

Jail? Are you kidding? This is a fantasy, there's no arrests in fantasy-land.

But, I was going to meet Jenny, and Sue, and Ann. We were going to pick up Lindsay and Sarah and go TP'ing to church. Thus, the wine.

I still need to see McMommy and Tena. They're waiting for me. The wine, it's theirs, really!!

Great.

Hey, Tasha, can you bail me out?

**For more from the ladies who didn't go to BlogHer (the fancy schmancy Bloggywood event in SF) check MommyPie, you'll be glad you did!

39 supporters in group:

  1. mommypie said...

    Your lecture has taught me to reign in my boxer-wearing cop daydreams. Thank you for warning me just how quickly a good fantasy can go so very bad.

    Thanks so much for participating in the first ever BlogHerNot -- funny, funny post, Doog. See you this weekend at the party!

  2. david mcmahon said...

    How wonderful to hear from a Blogging Newbie. We were all newbies once, so may I on behalf of a wonderful blogging fraternity, extend a very warm welcome to you and tell you that you have an engaging writing style.

  3. Brittany said...

    Oh fun! I am in! I will see if I can borrow my brother's friends travel breathalyzer, then we'll be all set!

  4. Sue said...

    That was the most awesome post!!!! And it makes me want to cry. Why can't we go somewhere together??? I'll have a "Not Invited To Speak at BlogHer" conference at my house!!! Come on!!! I have a pool and these big-ass jugs of margarita mix from Costco.
    In all seriousness, tho' can we all plan to go to the '09 conference?

  5. Jenny said...

    Yeah. I've been bumming reading about everyone going. But girl...I'd go on a road trip in a VW with you anyday!!! Only prob is, we're on opposite sides of the country. But I'll have hubby work, like, 20 hours overtime and that would pay for my plane ticket to fly to you, THEN go on a road trip! Yeeee Haaaawwww! We'll keep next year in mind. :)
    Oh, and THE WINE IN YOUR SIDE BAR. MUST FIND IT. Penguins are my fav!! Have a slammin weekend!

  6. Alice said...

    Love your BlogHerNot header!

  7. San Diego Momma said...

    "Oh yeah. Pulling over. Don't get your boxer briefs in a bunch."

    I'm betting he's wearing tighty whiteys.
    :)

  8. ann said...

    Too cute. Just...way too witty!

  9. Tenakim said...

    I've not seen this BlogHer Not until now! I also mentioned our 'road trip' on my post today, great minds...

    By the way, thanks or throwing me under the bus, the wine was sooo yours- it had pretty labels!

  10. tollesons4him said...

    Great Fantasy LOL!!
    I didn't go to BlogHer conference either but one day that is my goal....

  11. Sonya said...

    Oh my gosh..They don't know what they are missing by NOT having you speak. If you speak like you write...HILARIOUS!!!!

  12. Celeste said...

    You have been tagged.

  13. Sarah McBride said...

    i'm in!!

  14. Auds at Barking Mad said...

    If I seem unable to leave a coherent comments it's because MommyPie double loaded those jello shots she's handing out over there. Maybe now I won't even notice the legos I step on whilst walking barefoot across the floor.

    I want to have a bloggy roadtrip too. But alas, I'd have to take the Little Imp and she lasts about as long in the car as an ice cream cone on the sidewalk in the Sahara.

  15. ithankmymother said...

    wait...how did that Police Officer Morris jump from my fantasy into yours...Mr. Anderson, much? (The Matrix).
    Well, hopefully we girls can come up with enjoy loot to bail you out. I just saw the "save Jen" jar going around at my last lecture. We'll miss you at the pool tonight if you're not saved!

  16. wehave9 said...

    I want to go too! My blog is also just a baby and I would just be happy to get more visits and comments. But Blogher would be awesome!

  17. my wonderful men... said...

    Oh my goodness this is too funny. I feel the same way, I'm going to be at one of the BlogHer Conf. when I'm a famous blogger too - year 3000.

    Great post love the picture.

    Amy

  18. Merrie said...

    Good one! Sorry about the fantasy jail. That's a shame.

  19. Susiewearsthepants said...

    Ummm.....you do know that road trips aren't all they are cracked up to be? My illusions of happy road trips are now gone. I do have to concede that your trips sounds more fun than mine was :)

  20. TentCamper said...

    I say we all take a road trip together. Just caravan across the contry, blogging, drinking and bailing each othr out as we go.

    How fun would that be?

  21. TentCamper said...

    Oh... I have added you to my blogroll

  22. Lindsey said...

    I love it! If only...

  23. Jo-Jo said...

    I sware being a new reader to your page I thought you had been doing this awhile! Your stories and page is great! I keep going to your page for ideas on how to spruce mine up but can't figure out for the life of me how you do it! Anyways, what I am saying is you should already be doing conferences!

  24. Tootsie Farklepants said...

    Handcuffs and wine? Hey officer! You Eeeediot.

  25. flickrlovr said...

    You're a gem in the bloggyworld. Seriously, you're lying to us, you've been at this for 10 years now, haven't you? You're not a newbie. Lier.

    Just another reason why I love you!

    YAY for BlogHerNot '08! I'm a proud attendee. Can I join you on your fantasy roadtrip? Please, please, please? I promise to only bring the best music...and I'll drive so you can drink some of that wine you've got in the backseat. Sound like a plan?

  26. Kelli said...

    Funny post...I'm sure you'll be asked to speak at a BlogHer conference in no time! You've already been featured on BlogHerNot! That's something!!!

  27. IRISHKAT said...

    Hey will you pick me up too? I will be the one holding the case of wine... yes? Good I am packing my bags as we speak!

  28. foolery said...

    All this on white wine! I'm just wondering what would happen on tequila . . . nice job, Ma'am -- and nice to meet you. :)

    -- Laurie @ Foolery

  29. Ann said...

    Oh Jen...
    How do you do it?!
    What I would GIVE to actually go on this road trip!!!
    I'm still trying to figure out what all of this BlogHer business is all about. Geez there is so much in this blog-world, right?

    And how about I bring a few more bottles of wine, just in case ;->

  30. McMommy said...

    Well, it's a good thing I brought an extra suitcase of "back up" wine....because all 10 of your bottles were empty by the time you finally got here!!!!!!

    Cheers to BlogHerNot '08!!!

  31. MommyTime said...

    I will totally use ALL the money in my Operation game set to bail you out of jail. Just be sure to use your free phone call to Twitter me or email me!

  32. Cheryl Lage said...

    I've got a purse full of confiscated Chuck E Cheese tokens to help bail you out if need be.

    Is there a continental breakfast at BlogHerNot? Feel like I'm the nerd who had too much wine too early and fell asleep in her room missing all the action....

  33. Tasha said...

    Dude....Why am I ALWAYS the one to bail my friends out of jail!? LMFBO. And you could have at least waited until morning to call instead of calling at 3am. We aren't 22 anymore! Sheesh!

    Okay...

    (((digging in my pockets for spare change...)))

    I've got 3 bucks...is that enough? Just remember this next time I get thrown in the drunk tank- or the looney bin- either one is possible!

    Love ya! XOXO

  34. Insane Mama said...

    What is everyone doing in here???? I knew Jen way back before you all did, I swear, don't steal her from me...please!
    If we go on a road trip can I sit near you..

  35. Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

    Why am I picturing the Fantasy Cop looking like someone from The Village People?

  36. Mama's Losin' It said...

    2064 you say??? Can you give me a lift???

  37. carrie said...

    well, I didn't go either. I don't follow anyone's blogging suggestions and I don't intend to.

    This was a funny post.

  38. Deb said...

    This sounds way more fun--I will also bring tequila and I'll mix the margaritas. Yahoo!

  39. Jonny's Mommy said...

    *sigh*

    My dreams have been shot down too, but alas..only so many can be famous in the world can't they?

    Cute post and great way to link to some fun bloggers.

    SOme day maybe will be speakers together, but you before me from what I can see! :-)

    Also, I want to participate in your Thousand Word Thursday this week so I hope I can get to it!

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