A Twisted Tale.

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
not a Xanax in sight
aw my poor dear spouse.

The stockings were hanging
on the mantle, just barely
stuffed with who knows what
I won't look, could be scary.

The children were over-tired
refusing their beds
while hopes of catching Santa
danced in their heads.

With Hubby in his sweats
and I posting on Twitter
I had some champagne
making my head all a-flitter.

When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
I didn't dare leave my computer
Someone tell me what's a matter!

When what to my strained eyes
should appear
but this big ol' fat guy
and some scrawny reindeer.

The grouchy old driver
was affected by the recession
the stale stank of his coat
left me kinda wretchin'.

Totally drunk he stumbled and tumbled
and belted out their names
Now, Tiger, now Rufus,now, Cujo, and Winston
on Buddy, on Baby, on Snoopy, and Benson.

This dude was so ghetto
his dogs so unmerry.
He took a swig of his flask
along side him, the Tooth Fairy.


Hmm...this story is sure taking a turn...yeah, I was in a strange mood when I started. Better quit before anything risque happens between Santa and TF!!

Off to finish watching Elf with the family and enjoy the holiday!

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!

25 supporters in group:

  1. Brittany said...

    HAHAHA! Merry Christmas gorgeous!!!!

  2. Diane said...

    I love the words Xanax, ghetto and wretchin' in a Chritmas story! How festive! lol!

    Have a great holiday!

  3. Spice said...

    LOL I love it! Merry Christmas!
    http://spiceworld.us

  4. AmyG said...

    LOL... funny!

    Merry Christmas!!

  5. Average Girl In Average World said...

    merry christmas!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Smart A$$ Mom said...

    you are hysterical Jen~!!! Have a great Holiday.

  7. xoxo, collette said...

    That was cute... you should've kept going! =)

    Merry Christmas to you & yours!

  8. Annie said...

    That was cute!
    Merry Xmas!

  9. AC said...

    YOU. ARE. SO. FUNNY!

    Loving those lines from ELF too! Those are my FAVORITE lines from that movie!

    You're cool. I wanna be cool like you too!

    Merry Christmas. Cheers to Crocs from the inlaws!
    tee hee

  10. Jenni Jiggety said...

    LOL! Merry Christmas to you, Jen!

  11. Swirl Girl said...

    Thanks for the laugh!

    A ghetto santa!! hahahahahah

  12. Tony said...

    You are a poet. Who knew? I loved wretchin , but I would rather spew. Merry Christmas Girl.

  13. PaulsHealthblog.com said...

    Now that was good!

    Merry Christmas to you and yours.

  14. Just A Mom (call me JAM for short) said...

    Too, too funny. Glad you are keeping a sense of humor this holiday season. Merry Christmas!

  15. Stacy's Random Thoughts said...

    Hilarious!

    Merry Christmas Eve to you, too! :)

  16. Braja said...

    Oh great, bail out halfway thru and ruin my Christmas? Gimme that champagne...

    Happy Thursday :)

  17. Semi-Slacker Mom said...

    You must be feeling like me! I just dropped the f-bomb at my in-laws. As in "I hate f*ing Christmas!" Holidays always bring out the best in me. :)

  18. Sabrae Carter said...

    haha cute story! Merry Christmas

  19. Patrice said...

    LOL! That definitely was a little twisted! Too funny!! Glad it didn't get to risque!
    Merry Christmas! :)

  20. Annie said...

    Merry Christmas! Funny story!

  21. Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

    Thanks for the laugh...Merry Christmas to you!

  22. Ranch Girl said...

    Too funny!!!! Hope you had a Christmas! We're just winding down after what was a pretty good day.

  23. Stephanie said...

    Loved it, Jen!

    Merry Christmas!

  24. Heather of the EO said...

    Beautiful poem! :) Seriously SO funny. Thank you for a much needed coming down from the holiay laugh!

  25. Weaselmomma said...

    I like where this was going. Twisted is fun.

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