Oh Mah Hair!

I'm a HAIR freak.

I am.

All the time.

I NEVER like the way my hair looks.

Too frizzy.
Too flat.
Visor-hair.
Bed-head.
Not-blow-dried hair.
Funky wave hair.
Too short in the back.
Too uneven on the sides.
Too bumpy.
Way too thick.

I NEVER like my hair.

I don't know if the hairdressers can sense me coming, but immediately their combs and scissors FREAK OUT and say, let's get all crazy-ass on her hair.

Don't get me wrong, I can fake it.

People often say, "great cut." "Or I like that color!"

Maybe they're lying. Maybe they want to say...WHAT DID YOU DO!?

Who knows, but I always find a way to ruin it.

I like to take the scissors to my head and play beauty shop.

No formal training. Just wing it.

I think just because I know how to use scissors, then I how how to fix my own hair issues.

Really it's not the hairdresser...I think my head is lopsided.

Right now I'm anxiously awaiting a trim (and I have scissors in my hand).

I'm going to tell her exactly the problem, a way to remedy it and I will come home happy and newly coiffed.

Bahahawahahaha!

I'll come home, fret for 2 hours...take a shower, attempt to re-style, cry, threaten to buy extensions or a wig, and pout.

Hubby always tells me, "you know when you go to the hair shop, they CUT your hair. They don't ever ADD any. I don't know why you act so crazed and surprised when you get home!"

Mr Know-it-All.

I just want a cut. Like I see on others and admire.

A cut done right, and not crooked, and fool-proof...and Jen-proof.

I don't trust myself though.

I was the one who after each child, swore to all that was holy, that a PERM was exactly what I needed. Easy to take care of. Wash and go.

Fail.

Let's just make sure I don't get pregnant.

If I do, call me Poodle.

-----
Update: Success. For now. Just a trim with some thinning and shaping.

Sweet, sweet Ro, she puts up with me when she should really scissor-slap me.

You know what she said tonight, "The hair on the left of your part has more body than your right!"

See. Lop-sided. I have Triskadekaunibodiosis...wait that's the fear of the number thirteen...or having 13 bodies or something.

Never mind...I'm off to cut play with my hair.

40 supporters in group:

  1. WeaselMomma said...

    I love my cut and style when I leave the hairdresser. I can just never recreate it. Ponytail to the rescue.

  2. Those Crazy Scotts said...

    You crack me up! I am seriously still considering a perm...

  3. Those Crazy Scotts said...

    You crack me up! I am seriously considering a perm.

  4. He And Me + 3 said...

    I thought you were describing my hair experiences...I always have to fix it at home too. Ugh. My hair grows faster on one side than the other...so frustrating.

  5. Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

    lol...I don't really know what to say...but if I could give you a hug, I would...

  6. Mighty M said...

    Haha! Hair obsession is a national trend - nothing to worry about. ;-)

  7. Krystyn said...

    I am so the same way. More body on one side than the other. One side flips out and one side flips under...uggh!

    And, with both pregnancies, I threatened to shave my head. Let's hope I don't get pregnant soon, either!

  8. Drama Mama said...

    This POST is ME!! I am NEVER ever happy with my hair. I STAY in the hair salon. I go to 3 or 4 different hair stylists...hoping that ONE day, one of them will just WOW me with an Awesome cut. Every. time. I. leave a salon...I go straight home and RE-DO what they DID. It is a Sickness!

    Word of Advice - NEVER purchase a pair of thinning shears and try to Do-it-yourself. Scissors are fine...but JUST SAY NO to thinning shears. trust me on this one!

  9. kristi said...

    I hate gettting haircuts and they always style me to look like an old lady. I am 35 NOT 55!

  10. Chelle said...

    Hysterical!! And the line your husband gives you had me laughing so hard!

    For me I just wish I could fix it how my hair person does...I can never get it to look as good no matter how long I mess with it!

    PS--I think your hair always looks gorgeous!

  11. lmt1073 said...

    great post! I hate my hair too for the most part. I get bored with it easily... I'm either trying to let it grow out, chopping it off, or coloring it... lol...

  12. Lori said...

    I'm the same way with my hair, although I've never cut it myself. I am still in love with my latest cut, and it's been almost a month! I think that's a record for me...

    I think we just want to have control over something. I mean, if we can't control our own hair...

  13. Martha (FL) said...

    Hair, I too have a love hate relationship with my hair. I really like my hair short (I know I'm strange), always have always will, but right now my body is too big to have really short hair, so I deal with cuts that are generally fabulous, but just not really me....

  14. MamaJoss said...

    Crack me up...you look great...no matter the hair. Hair IS so annoying. Speaking of hair...how about THIS happening before your wedding? -- http://www.myitwins.com/2009/04/10/horror-pre-wedding-hair-story-for-real/

  15. Semi-Slacker Mom said...

    One side of my hair holds curl better than the other side. so I just put all of it in a ponytail. Except for the mommy clothes & wrinkles on my face, I look like i'm 16.

  16. Jill said...

    Oh I SO resemble these remarks!!

    Long hair, short hair, layered hair.... curly or straight? I'm never satisfied.

  17. mama's smitten said...

    Oh Jen! Oh may, I call you Jen afterall I feel like we know each other! Oh shoot hope I didn't freak you out agian, Afterall you are the one stalking me ! Lol! Don't think I saw you yesterday. Keep a look out today!:) BTW, I'm sure you won't believe me but when I ran into you I thought you hair was cute. It was all put in place. I didn't even notice you didn't shower LOL !Oh wait! Are you a hat person? I might have saw you yesterday?

  18. Clare said...

    oh hair issues are so annoying. once we moved to our new house, i would drive 2 hours to get my hair cut, so i totally feel you on this!!

  19. Christie said...

    Since I have been cursed with naturally curly hair, I can never ever ever find anyone that can cut it even. They always cut it like I have straight hair and are surprised when I come in the next day with curly hair and it's all uneven. I'm like, "duh, what did you expect, I have cowlicks and curls everywhere".

    I feel your pain. So much.

  20. Mel Fraase said...

    I SO know what you're talking about. I always go and re-style my hair and wonder what I was thinking.... Glad this one didn't turn out too disasterous! You could always do what I do, just color it something outrageous, no one will notice the cut!

  21. BluRayn said...

    LMAO, too funny! I coulda written this post...minus the cutting my own hair thing. Well, ok, I DO cut my own bangs sometimes, but only if they're nonstop in my eyes, and only if I go to someone else besides my regular hairdresser next time cuz otherwise I get two earfuls on WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR speech, that I'd really rather not have to put up with. Again. ;)

    Now...pics??

  22. Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

    I am so plain jane with my hair! I do go get it cut and colored but my hair is in a pony every single day because I cannot stand to wear it down. I should just go Britney next time and shave it that way nothing would bother me!

    Where's the pics, we want to see!

  23. Gladys said...

    I one time decided to cut my own bangs. Um BIG MISTAKE. Don't even get me started on Miss Clairol.

  24. Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

    Your hair should get together with my hair and they could take over the world, one unsuspecting hair day at a time!

  25. Faith - That's Just Freaking Lovely said...

    Whenever I see someone with a really cute cut I'm totally jealous, so I totally feel your pain .. I hate my hair!

  26. Elaine A. said...

    Please don't be mad but I think what your husband said is funny. Probably because I am sarcastic like that too.

    I'm sure it looks wonderful! : )

  27. Dejoni said...

    I cut my long hair after both pregnancies. Dumb move for a post partum, psychotic woman. I didn't think my husband would live through it...poor man.
    Just remember the golden rule, never cut more than 2 inches and NEVER, EVER GET A PERM.
    Good luck, hope it works out for ya!

  28. * said...

    HAHA I could have written this post myself. I have the same hair issues. Can't wait to see pics of your new cut :)

  29. Together We Save said...

    I never like my hair. I mean I might when the stylist cuts it but with in a week I can't do anything with it.

  30. Minxy Mimi said...

    Stay away from the scissors!!!
    I never have good hair either... UGH

  31. Swirl Girl said...

    This totally cracked me up!

    I am so afraid of the hair salon I haven't gotten my hair cut since last April or May!

    It's time, though. I need to take a valium first.

  32. Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

    This is too funny, I am the same way. I always say don't bother with the spray, it's okay. I know because I am going to go home and wash and redo-why spray.. I have had scissors in hand lately, and have talked myself out of it..

  33. Jenni Jiggety said...

    I have done bad BAD things to my own hair with scissors. I make my hairdresser crazy.

    Just think, no matter how bad you think your hair looks, somewhere out there is ME, and I promise you mine will always look worse.

  34. Sarah said...

    I have the same issues. In fact, I cut my hair the other day. Who knew there were women out there that are "cutters" just like me. OH, the scandal!

  35. Melissa said...

    Funny! I thought that was me talking!!!

  36. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

    I can absolutely relate - I have such thick hair I think it scares most hairdressers. Add to that the natural wave that tends to get frizzy without the proper styling technique, and it's double trouble. I've always thought my head was lopsided, too, particularly after a bad haircut - maybe it's fuller on one side than the other.... :) It's SO nice to know I'm not alone! :)

  37. Stephanie (MileWide Nursery) said...

    Hair! If you have curly, you want straight, if you have straight you want curly. If it's thick, you want thinner more manageable, if it's thin you want thick with more volume. Never happy with what we have!! I finally found a salon (with TWO stylists) who can cut my hair the way I like it. And then I was an idiot and moved away so now I have to drive 8hrs (only done it once so far and the haircut was a bonus not the reason) for my perfect cut!

  38. Brittany said...

    DUDE! My hair is totally lopsided ALSO! I so know what you are talking about. And, swear to God, I LMAO at the perm thing, I do the same thing, but it always ends up ok since I keep my hair long enough to keep it from being a poodle.

  39. Executive Momma said...

    You are extremely funny. Love the post. :)

  40. McMommy said...

    I TOTALLY GET IT!!!

    I always think I am going to do some fun, new haircut. And when I walk out of the haircut place, it does look fun and new.

    Then I get home.

    And the next day, it goes right back into a ponytail. *sigh*

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