New Moon and Speedos and Jacob OH MY!

I was just reading People's latest issue about the Sexiest Man Alive and came across a photo of Jerry O'Connell in a Speedo and gagged.

After I redigested, I thumbed through the mag, Johnny Depp...eh...

Brad Pitt and George Clooney...so over them.

Gerard Butler...so-so...

Ryan Reynolds and Bradley Cooper...oh ♥ yeah...

But someone who was jipped...Joshua Jackson from Fringe!

He SO totally deserved to be in there, but whatevs.

I thought about writing about the perils of Speedos and how unattractive they are.

I mean, please leave something to the imagination instead of looking like a slug.

But, then I thought about the mini-skirt type bathing suit bottom I'm forced to wear after 3 children doing a number on my midsection and felt I shouldn't judge.

So I'll find something else to write about.

Like the mom of a cousin's girlfriend who recognized my oldest in the grocery store tonight and turned to me.. "I love your blog!"

I blushed.

DQ was so confused how this lady knew her.

You're sorta famous sweetie.

In a "on my blog" sorta way.

Anyway.

I'm getting ready to take in the most anticipated movie of the season according to some of my Twilight cronies and most of the teen-female population across the world.

New Moon.

My least favorite book of the Twilight saga, but looks like a lot of skin will be shown.

Chests...get your mind out of the gutter.

RPatz and Taylor Lautner without shirts on.

Now that's a good look.

Abs, a little chest hair.

That spot above the belt that shows the hip bones.

Forget the skimpy swimsuit look, bring on jeans and no shirt.

No mind that Taylor isn't even old enough to vote.

Ahem.

I've turned into a 15 year old bag of hormones.

Excuse me while I get my Edward tee, skinny jeans, and Chuck Taylor Converse on and head to the movies.

And don't tell DQ I raided her closet.
-----------
Update: The movie was so GOOD!

Edward fans, so sorry, this was Jacob Black's movie.

The bod.

A few girls discussing on FB that Edward's shirtlessness was a non-matching nipple disaster...I HAVE to see it again to check that out, I did not notice.

But, compared to Twilight, this was by far the better movie.

Kudos all around to the actors, and Jessica...hilarious!

I will sleep well tonight.

I'm a Non-Neat

So I just got back from lunch with a friend.

And what am I doing?

Eating Frosted Flakes.

Straight from the box.

You should see the crumbs in the keyboard.

Speaking of crumbs, the candy wrapper issue in my car is careening out of control.

It's so hard being a non-neat.

What's even harder?

Being married to a non-neat.

I truly have aspirations to be tidy and organized, I really do.

But in reality, we're the messy family.

Our car mimicks our home on a daily basis.

Not unclean or unhealthy, just cluttery.

Unfortunately our kids have inherited the finish and toss rule.

I get angry, but they come by it honestly.

You should see K and My Boy's room.

All 6000 legos are on the floor.

I ask them to clean it, they start and then come out 10 minutes later to share their newest lego-creation.

They have a knack for structures, I'll give them that.

But, cleaning up...not so much.

Don't look at my desk.

It's organized.

My way.

I really know where everything is on it...and under it....and next to it.

Don't get me confused with hoarder though.

I don't have that problem.

Yet.

Ugh, I Did NOT Just Eat That Today!

Meal planning is not my strong suit.

I ate like crap this week and I have been paying ever since.

That off day and all, well I had no desire to go anywhere let alone the grocery store.

For breakfast I had a handful of Life cereal.

Literally reached into the box and pulled out some to snack on.

Oh and about a gallon of coffee.

Yes, this is where you say, no wonder your stomach is all jacked up!

Lunch...hmm..did I eat lunch?

Oh yeah, Bagel Bites.

Around 6pm I felt like crawling in a hole.

Still not wanting to go to the store, I made what any normal poor, starving, college student mother of 3 would...TOP RAMEN.

DQ liked it.

I never feel good after eating that.

Not sure why I subject myself to the pain.

Late night snack...orange juice.

Oh someone please throw me a vegetable, alfalfa sprouts, a radish, something to cleanse my body of this filth.

Bleh.

Twilight Target Zone

Just a normal day.

Strolling around Target with DQ, taking my time, nowhere to be.

Run into everyone I know!

10 minutes with my SIL.

20 minutes with my friend Lisa.

5 quick minutes with a long-lost friend.

15 minutes on the phone with a blogger pal, Mrs4444!

I tell you everything that happens is going to happen at Target.

While I was there, I was supposed to pick up toilet paper, socks, undies, the basics right?!

For all I know, DQ could have thrown in some magazines, a DVD, a new comforter, and some gum into the cart, I was busy talking.

Before I knew it I had the receipt in my hand and was opening the trunk.

I don't remember paying.

How long had we been gone?

What time was it?

Was it daytime when I went in?

Was this even MY daughter getting into the car with me?

I turn quickly to check.

Phew! Yes.

I get home and suddenly feel sweaty and cold, and a little hungover.

Blast you, crazy hypnotic Target store!

I knew that bullseye played tricks with your head.

I think I may need a chaperone next time I shop.

Dressed to Impress

So you might paint a picture of me after reading this.

This combined by my recent post that I shower every 2 days.

You might think i'm lazy.

I drove to pick up my kids today....(that in itself is kinda sluggish of me)

...in


...my


...flannel pajamas.

Yep, 2pm in the afternoon and I still had NOT changed out of my jammies.

Yeah, I hear the boos, the hisses, the laughs.

Don't tell me you haven't done it.

What? You were sick, oh..well..I guess that makes sense.

I wasn't sick.

I was just cozy warm.

And, for the record, what's the point some days?

I didn't have a staff meeting.

Well, K and I did have a little talk about not dripping bubble liquid on the floor, so we kinda had a meeting.

But, she was wearing her jams too, so totally didn't count.

I wasn't having a photo shoot, lunching with the President, going to the store, or the prom or anything.

No. Reason. To. Dress. Up.

I'm calling it Casual Mondays.

So what if the cars parked beside me in the parking lot probably took one look at me and said, WHAT A LAZY COW!

And, so what if my oldest daughter's first words as she got in the car were, "nice outfit mom, did you just wake up?"

Just makes those times when I do get dressed for even more special.

Right?!

It's not like I'm wearing my bunny slippers too.

They're bear slippers, so there! PPLLLLBBBTT!

Oh Mah Hair!

I'm a HAIR freak.

I am.

All the time.

I NEVER like the way my hair looks.

Too frizzy.
Too flat.
Visor-hair.
Bed-head.
Not-blow-dried hair.
Funky wave hair.
Too short in the back.
Too uneven on the sides.
Too bumpy.
Way too thick.

I NEVER like my hair.

I don't know if the hairdressers can sense me coming, but immediately their combs and scissors FREAK OUT and say, let's get all crazy-ass on her hair.

Don't get me wrong, I can fake it.

People often say, "great cut." "Or I like that color!"

Maybe they're lying. Maybe they want to say...WHAT DID YOU DO!?

Who knows, but I always find a way to ruin it.

I like to take the scissors to my head and play beauty shop.

No formal training. Just wing it.

I think just because I know how to use scissors, then I how how to fix my own hair issues.

Really it's not the hairdresser...I think my head is lopsided.

Right now I'm anxiously awaiting a trim (and I have scissors in my hand).

I'm going to tell her exactly the problem, a way to remedy it and I will come home happy and newly coiffed.

Bahahawahahaha!

I'll come home, fret for 2 hours...take a shower, attempt to re-style, cry, threaten to buy extensions or a wig, and pout.

Hubby always tells me, "you know when you go to the hair shop, they CUT your hair. They don't ever ADD any. I don't know why you act so crazed and surprised when you get home!"

Mr Know-it-All.

I just want a cut. Like I see on others and admire.

A cut done right, and not crooked, and fool-proof...and Jen-proof.

I don't trust myself though.

I was the one who after each child, swore to all that was holy, that a PERM was exactly what I needed. Easy to take care of. Wash and go.

Fail.

Let's just make sure I don't get pregnant.

If I do, call me Poodle.

-----
Update: Success. For now. Just a trim with some thinning and shaping.

Sweet, sweet Ro, she puts up with me when she should really scissor-slap me.

You know what she said tonight, "The hair on the left of your part has more body than your right!"

See. Lop-sided. I have Triskadekaunibodiosis...wait that's the fear of the number thirteen...or having 13 bodies or something.

Never mind...I'm off to cut play with my hair.

I Almost Dialed 911

The pressure in my head was building, causing spots in my vision.

The location was odd, above my ears on both sides.

I could feel my heartbeat pulsing through the pain.

What should I do?

Take Motrin?

Lie down?

Call Hubby?

Call an ambulance?

10 minutes went by and I thought, I've had coffee. It's not caffeine withdrawal.

Menstral? No,the headaches are NOT usually like this.

I get migraines, but this one feels different.

Worse. If possible.

20 minutes in and I can't take it.

I get up and go into the bathroom. Afraid to walk, afraid to fall, afraid to vomit.

Then one look in the mirror says it all.

.

.

.

.



Wearing K's headband from a game of dress up.

The band was so tight it numbed either side of my head where it met my scalp with such tight force.

The damn thing nearly sent me to ER, and boy would they have LAUGHED.

Reason #458 on why I'll never be royalty.

Cue the Muffin-Top

There's a reason why I don't enjoy clothes shopping!

Last weekend a friend of mine and our older daughters went on a shopping trip. I vowed I was going to shop for myself and not peek into the toddler/boys/men's section. If DQ found something, she could try on and we'll decide on it, sure. But, it's about time I got a few new duds in my closet.

I love Old Navy, they have quality clothes at great prices, so we looked there.

Since when did all the skinny-minnie-college girl clothes get mixed in with the women's stuff?


A size Large looks miniature, I could probably get ONE BOOB in their shirts. Pulling out an XL...I winced a bit, but thought, maybe just maybe.

Strolling around the store I kept looking at the turquoise sweatshirt I had and realized it was a 'crop style.'

Meaning, stops at the middle.

Above the waist.

At the muffin-top.

It's only $8.99 and so soft though. I finally gave up the ghost and bought it.

It's cute right?!

But, what's that black thing in the picture? It doesn't come with the sweatshirt, is it just your basic tee underneath?! I just don't get fashion anymore. And, this is JUST a sweatshirt.

So i'm wearing it today and i've tried to pull on it to make it longer about 20 times. I even have a long shirt underneath, but that just draws attention to the least attractive part of my body.

I knew I shouldn't have bought it. GRR.

Pair this with a pair of low rise jeans and i'll be the Pillsbury Dough Woman! heeheehee!

Gross.

Point me to the Mrs. Roper Muumuu section and I'll be on my way.

I'm never shopping again.

The One Where I Fight a Young Boy

A simple night.

Cousin T slept over Friday night. The boys played Batman and Indiana Jones, watching Clone Wars on TV. Normal right?

We head over to the local pizza place for dinner. Everyone likes pizza, thank goodness for the miracle food. There are few that fit the bill for our family.

As we're finishing up, in walks a family of 3 boys and a mom. One very sassy young lad struts over to the table next to us and gives My Boy and T a look-down of a wolf eyeing his prey.

WTF comes over my face and mind. I watch intently as my nephew whispers under his breath..."that's the school bully."

Um huh?! I ask him, but he brushes the comment off and I let it alone.

One last run to refill the sodas, the boys walk off and I hear one of the boys at the next table comment. "That kid [my nephew] goes to my school. It's Harry Potter."

OH NO YOU DI'NT!

Mamma Bear mode kicks in and I stare this boy down with a look that could melt steel. Remember, my nephew wears glasses, round ones.

"You better keep your mouth shut!" comes out of my mouth before my brain registers it so wrong and so inappropriate. Oh thank goodness his mother is at the salad bar.

My brain still disfunctional..."if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all!!"

The boy looks at me with dread and may just start crying.

OMG. What did I just say to this child?

Hubby looks at me and gives me the what did you do? look.

Soon after My Boy and T return to the table and that kid's mom sits down with her salad. No eye contact is made from the boys back at us for the next 10 minutes.

I was half afraid that this kid was going to rat me out to his mom and she'd stick her fork in my eye, but he knew he was being a TWIT and probably completely embarassed to speak another word.

I'm a very emotional, sensitive person. I cannot handle anyone one close to me being called names or made fun of. I acted a tad inappropriately, but then again, so did this kid. I just felt I needed to let him know it wasn't okay.

The Short and the Shorter

WHAT was I smoking thinking??

I haven't had this short of hair since Kindergarten's Dorothy Hamil phase!

I went in yesterday saying I was loving the a-line bobby look and I want to go shorter! I was really conservative the first time around, but now I went out of my mind all out.

WOW.

Hubby loves it. The kids didn't even notice. Except K who went with me and picked up every strand that was snipped from my head. "You HAY YUR?!" My dad said I look 17. My mom liked it.

I think I love it sometimes, other looks I freak out and go, how old am I again?!

Sigh. It'll grow back right?!

*update* Thanks to Jill Jill Bo Bill for giving a name to that back-of-the-neck hump thing that I'm now very self conscious of. It's a Buffalo Hump! Great, now I need to start knitting some scarves to hide mine.

The One Where I Don't Shut Up

My writing is mumbly jumbly at best most days.

I'm a rambler, through and through.

I don't use spell check. It's raw, uncensored, verbal diarreah from me daily.

You're welcome.

The same happens in person. Sometimes it's so bad and I get all sweaty and blushy-like.

Like today. Day 2 of school and I tried to carry on an adult conversation with DQ's teacher after school.

Me--Did you have a great second day?
Teacher--Yes, it was wonderful, this is a great class!
Me--Same group DQ had last year, yep they are a great set of kids.
Teacher--You can't go wrong with accelerated students...most of the time.
Me--I just wanted you to know that I have a toddler at home, so if I can help by taking work home with me, I can do that for you. At home.
[Did I just say home 3 times in the same breath?]

Teacher--Oh thank you, that would be great, you can grade papers.
Me--Cool. I never did much of that when I was a teacher, I taught K/1.

[Here we go.]

Teacher--Oh yeah when?
Me--10 years ago. Before DQ was born.

[Duh, she can do the math. Oh and she's humoring you, don't say more!!]

Me--I want to support DQ's and MB's teachers as much as possible, I know what you go through.

[Shut it, shut it now]

Me--At home, not here. I can't being K with me.
Teacher--Okay, I'll write your name down. Is it Jen with 2 n's or one?
Me--Two.

[NO IT'S NOT, it's ONE!]

Me--I mean one. One in Jen. 2 in Jennifer.

[You're blowing it man! Even DQ is rolling her eyes]

Teacher (walking me out the door)--Great, see you tomorrow.

[Restrain yourself!]

Me--Okay. Bye.

[Phew, if you would have said HOME one more time she would have slapped you silly!]

Sad, isn't it? For more of my senseless drivel, check out my Guest Post over at Amy, Amy, Bo Bamey's!!

Desperate Times Call for Shameless Begging

Maybe it's the competitiveness of the Olympics that is pushing me to beg for your votes...

Maybe it's because i'm noticing someone else is getting a ton of votes...

Maybe it's my medication making me delirious...

Maybe it's because i'm becoming a purse-hound like my mom...

Maybe i'm trying to end a week of posts on constipation, poop, pee, and utis on a charming note...

Maybe begging is the new charming...

Maybe you have a free moment to go over to MomDot and vote for me to win a super duper cute purse...

Maybe some of you already have, and for that, I love you.

Maybe i'm not begging but rather "getting the most people advocating on my behalf"....per their rules of the contest...

Maybe the contest ends today, so no pressure....vote NOW!