Happy 39th Birthday Guilt

(written on the plane last week)
February 6, 2012.

My 39th birthday. 
Heading to Lana’i today via Los Angeles and Honolulu.
Ecstatic, yes.
My face, shows otherwise.
The deep 11 lines between my eyes are scowling back at me in the mirror.
My eyes, red, dry, and tired.
I was up at 2:45am, not to pack, but to console my feverish 6 year old.
Because after her birthday bash on Saturday, she spiked a fever, that has lasted until now.
Her body is burning up.  I fumble in low light in the middle of the night looking for the Tylenol.
“Don’t mask it.” I can hear my husband tell me in his dream.  But, I need to bring that fever down.
It’s my mom-job.
She chews the tablets with a water chaser and asks so sweetly, “can I sleep with you?” 
Of course, I set up our bed so we’re not squished and no one gets kicked.
She snuggles up her hot body and falls back to sleep.
We need to wake in two hours to shower and leave to catch our flight.
I’m up every 30 minutes until then.
My heart breaks.
We’re leaving my kids with grandma, the next best thing to being with us.
We’ll be gone a week.
To paradise.
Again.
I’m not complaining.
I feel guilty as hell. 
She needs her mommy.
I need her.
Grandma is on patrol and gets her into the doctor after we leave.
A shot to bring the fever down and a script for antibiotics should kick this evil bug in it’s ass.
I call to check in on our stopover.
My mom has it under control, K is resting.
I hang up and stew with worry.
As usual.
6 hour flight to Oahu and I ache for internet or phone connection to check in.
I try and sleep.
Nope. The red eye flight home is going to be cruel.
I finally put my earphones on and zone out to all the great music I love, that DQ has graciously hooked up on my iPod.
Every song reminds me of the kids.
K’s special song, Train’s “Drops of Jupiter.”
Adele.
Kanye West.
I’m going to have an amazing time with my hubby. 
I just need that sign.  You know that everything is going to be alright.
 
So I can stop worrying.
…..waiting…

*Update 2/15...after 2 shots in the buttocks to bring fevers down, and a week later, she is her spunky self but not after long coughing nights and 4 missed days of school and activities.  Poor Grandma got super sick too.  Not to mention, while in Hawaii, my husband got a fever and bronchitis! Our Hawaii trip was blissful despite the guilt.

2 supporters in group:

  1. @PamelaMKramer - A Renaissance Woman said...

    Happy belated birthday! I'm glad everything turned out ok. Sounded like a tough spot. Ugh!

  2. VickeC said...

    if your like me it always seems to happen when you are planning to go somewhere or are there already,,since my kids are grown ,ive taken over getting the illnesses,,never fails

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