A Long Phase of Separation Anxiety?

I was trying to think about what has been bothering me.

I mean, I've dealt with PPD, depression, and anxiety for years since the birth of my second child.

This feels like that, and I am finally putting a finger on the cause.

Over this past year a few things have happened that have left me sad during the day.

My youngest and last child spends her day in the Kindergarten classroom.

Don't get me wrong, she needs Kindergarten.

She loves Kindergarten.

She's wanted to go since birth.

As a result she is a reading machine, loves to write, loves art thanks to her amazing teacher and is almost done with Kindergarten heading to first grade.

The sad part is that I feel lost at home. Alone.

I still have my schedule in the morning for dropoff, then I drive crazily all over town each afternoon.

I work in the classroom and at the student store at two schools.

But when I wrote the Lonely Mama Bird post, I thought the phase would be short.

Nope, it's lasted all year.

I'm a stay at home mom, with no kids at home during the day.

I am working.  I do have my review blog that I work hard at and has garnered me a "part-time job" but the emptiness is still there in my heart.

Also, my husband's new job has yet to really sink in.

For nearly 20 years, the length of our relationship, he has worked in our hometown.

Less than a mile away, only a few minutes commute.

Last July that changed due to the economy.

Thankfully something wonderful was offered to him, an hour's commute each day.

Yes, he has a job.  Yes, it could be farther, like some people deal with.

But, in all those years, every day I saw him at lunch time.  He was there for the kids' awards assemblies.  He could come at a minutes notice to help me out when I needed a hand.  He was able to manage our son's baseball team and he was just so close.

Spoiled.  Yes, I was.  I appreciated every moment of it.

Now, we have lunch together maybe once a month.

Now, he doesn't make it home in time for baseball practice.

Now, he misses just the smallest things like picking up our youngest after she's gotten her first good citizen award.

Now, his meetings are in different counties, he spends his evenings at city planning meetings.

It's made me feel like I have separation anxiety, I guess.

Oh.  I'll live.  It's just a long phase.

14 supporters in group:

  1. TerriAnn @ Cookies and Clogs said...

    I'm glad you identified the problem but I'm sorry that you are suffering. I hope you can build up some special times together this summer ;)

  2. mama's smitten said...

    Hey there! I can so relate! To both of you! Thats how i felt when my youngest left for kinder! Then I got this wild idea to go to nursing school and im the one missing all those thing that your husband is. It is definately not ideal i just keep telling myself its not forever! But I miss the good ole days!

  3. The Mom Jen said...

    Thanks TerriAnn and Lisa!

    Hey Lisa how are you? How is Nursing School going? Keep in touch!

  4. Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

    I know what you mean. Luckily, I have the babe home with me now, but my hubby works over an hour away from home..I almost never see him for lunch (oh, I should schedule something before this summer and the kids are home!).

    Maybe you can find a little something during the day part time to give you some of that interaction you are craving?

    And, the kiddos will be home in a couple weeks for summer, right? And, then you'll probably be driving them everywhere!

  5. Liz said...

    Have you ever read the 5 Love Languages book? Sounds like your top love language is quality time---and you're missing it! (I can say that because it's mine, too! I fall apart & become a basket case when I don't get any time w/ my hubby for a while.)

  6. The Mom Jen said...

    Liz, I'm going to check out that book!!

  7. VickeC said...

    Ive been in your shoes, an what I did was to volunteer at the school,to do whatever one of the teacheers needed,,gave me a sense of satifaction,an got to have lunch with one of my kids occasionly,,,it will get better

  8. Shelly Peterson said...

    Sorry to hear you're going through that. But I'm sure with time it will get better. Maybe it's time to find a new hobby, that will keep you busy at home or get you out of the house more : )

  9. Molly said...

    My little one is only 2 months old...but I can so relate..it's going to kill me when he goes. Molly Bussler

  10. won said...

    My thoughts are turning toward my son graduating before I know it (he's a sophomore this year - but we know how quickly time can pass), so I feel some of what you are saying.

    All I can do is remind myself that watching him go is better than him not ever having the chance to go - as my daughter didn't because she died at age 11.

    I could forget all that perpective in 3 years though....

  11. sweetpea08 said...

    I can relate. My little boy just turned 4 and suddenly he is no longer wanting to always be with me. He wants to go on sleepovers at grandparent's houses, have playdates without me, and is starting school. AHHHH!!! I am having major separation anxiety and maybe it will never end for me, but I guess it's part of life. Glad to know I'm not alone.

  12. Cinderella10383 said...

    I can relate my daughter is heading in to middle school and my first son is in his last year of elementary school, I never intended on having another child but I now have a 2 yr old son as well, I am so glad to have him around.

    Jamie Brigham
    PrettyInPinkWife @ aol dot com

  13. jenmalonee said...

    I hate my hubby driving so much for work. Not only is it a pain, but it takes time away from the family. Yes, he too has a job...I just know how you feel.

    Jennifer Marie

    lilnursejen at yahoo dot com

  14. deanna said...

    Hope you're feeling better.
    xoxo

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