Confession from the Couch

I have a confession.

I got a birthday gift from a friend and I haven’t used it yet.

It’s been over a month.

I’m nervous to take that next step.

Are you curious what it is?

Well it isn’t a gift card to Target. Those get used immediately. I actually will leave my birthday party/dinner/wine tasting event to go use it. No one minds. They curse at me when I get back, but I’m cool with that.

It isn’t my iPod Touch, that baby is my 4th child. (Words with Friends player name “themomjen”).

Not cash either, that is gone, probably spent on pizza or more Target stuff.

What is it?

A session with a psychic.

Yes, a psychic!

I’m scared shitless.

So my friend who got this for me has actually had a psychic-party before. Invited a bunch of people over to get a “reading” of their future.

SCARY!

I don’t know if I want to know that I’m going to die on a specific date! I mean, I guess I can make sure I’m wearing clean undergarments, and my hair’s half-way done, but yikes, I’m not ready for that!

I hear that you can specifically ask for only the pleasant stuff. No gore or negativity.

But what if the guy slips, and goes, “DUDE, you do NOT want to be in your car on July 25th, 2018 at 3:45pm!”

Or worse, be like that psychic on LOST who wouldn’t even read Claire’s future because he totally knew she’d end up crazy-ass whacked on the island with a coconut baby in a bassinet trying to kill Kate for stealing Aaron!

So, what am I going to do? I’m freaked out and don’t know if I can follow through with this.

Maybe I should do it drunk, then I won’t remember.

Maybe I’m better off knowing my fate. I can get my bucket list started, use the excuse, “sorry but I’m going to be dead then, can’t help out at my granddaughter’s bat mitzvah.”

See how nervous this is making me, I’ve already married K off to a nice Jewish man, and wished a teenager on her.

Oy.