Even the Toddler is Regular

First and foremost....

THANK YOU from the bottom of my wine glass heart McMommy and Sue for filling in for me while I was away. You are truly amazing writers, masters of funny, and wonderful women, I am indebted to you.

Ahem. Now for the post.

On poop.

I have to go there. It's a must. It happens to so many people I know. It's an annoying phenomenon I'd like to call, "vacation constipation."

If you must, go ahead, click to the next blog in your reader.

Honestly though, WHY must this happen?

You get excited for vacation, a small camping trip, a weekend away with the hubby, girl's weekend to Vegas, what have you....You enjoy yourself, you eat and drink like crazy, then POW....belly ache time.

I don't know why i'm so nervous about going in a new place. Everyone does it. For some reason my brain tells my bowels,

"Hey when you get out of that communal restroom, there will be either a line a mile long with angry need-to-pee-ers or there will be a crowd pointing and laughing." Fear sets in.

Or, someone might walk in and shout, "GOD, what DIED in here?!" Embarassment sets in.

God forbid you make any SOUNDS while you're in there. That will be the death of you.

"Hey there, cut back on the pork and beans lady, we all have to use this restroom!" Dying, a slow death.

Day 4 of camping plus 3 nights of hot dog barbecue equals something even a lot of strong coffee can't help.






















Even my baby K. She's potty training...even at the campsite. Totally regular. Kids, totally regular. Hubby....well, he has Crohn's. Enough said.

Needless to say, being home is a relief. As for my next trip....i'm scared shitless. Literally.

49 supporters in group:

  1. flickrlovr from said...

    I'm the same exact way. It's so bizarre [and freakin' uncomfortable, right?] Ugh. I hate going in public restrooms for that reason. I can handle the dirtiness, but the other people that are just waiting outside my stall, listening to me, waiting for that unlady-like noise that is SURE to escape me once in awhile...I can't handle it. Peeing is different. I can pee anywhere: side of the road, your Mom's house, Los Angeles...but #2? Good old #2? It kills me every time. And if it's a long-ish vacation (like my 2 week trip to Italy, back in '06) you just HAVE to go sometime.

    *sigh*

    On a more "relaxed" (pun intended) note: we're glad to have ya back, Jen! Even though McMommy and Sue totally rocked ya blog whilst you were away ;)

  2. ciara said...

    i hate going in other places, too. not so much if it's like a hotel or something, but camping...definitely. stopping at a rest area or anywhere else for potty break on road trip...hate it. it's funny how i rarely go on trips though LOL

    oooo, when are you going to vegas? that's where i lived 21 yrs before marrying my husband. i was just there last month visiting my oldest and my parents. will prob be going again either during thanksgiving or xmas break.

  3. JenniBeanV said...

    ROFL! Sadly, I can soooooo relate! It's just not the same when you aren't at home! I need the comfort and familiarity of my own commode!

  4. Brittany said...

    oh crap, I hear you on this. Maybe pack a combo of X-lax and tums for the next trip!

  5. HappyHourSue said...

    Ok, I'm bopping along to That's Just the Way We Roll.....

    Welcome back! we missed you! It's so true- even when I have to share a hotel room with own husband I'm mortified. I think hotel lobby restrooms have a lot of business.

  6. Shelley said...

    Girl,
    You are too funny. And I'm laughing with you, not at you. I have been in public restrooms and am so scared a little toot is gonna come out. But then I think, if they get offended and look at me funny, I'll just grin at them. Cause I know, even though they are trying to pretend that what my body has just done is something that "they" would never do, I know for a fact that EVERYBODY has to do it. Then I can make fun of them in my mind and how haughty they looked.
    I have to make a game of it, or else I'll be full of s***.
    Great post. Loved it.

  7. Tenakim said...

    That's an awesome pic thatI'm sure she'll appreciate (in a wedding slide show or something!)

    I can't believe your husband camps and has Crohn's- my mom has it (and Colitis & IBS), and can't leave the house for more than about 3 hours!

  8. Sarah McBride said...

    I dont know what it is about vacation that sets in the need to poop. And it is never anywhere convenient, like a hotel room. It is always in public.

  9. Amy said...

    I have the SAME problem! Ughh, and then when I get home it's like I STAY on the toilet. :D

  10. jill jill bo bill said...

    I have that same EXACT issue. Then I have to buy new pants by the end of the trip because I am so bloated.

    Then I have to hear the entire way home, "You are sooo full of shit!"

    Idiots.

  11. Jo-Jo said...

    I am more like your hubby and when I go on vaca I take Imodium before each meal, hoping upon hope that I wont go there.

  12. scargosun said...

    I actually consider myself very lucky for being regular. By DH has issues and regularly (pun intended) it cuts into our errands or plans to do things after eating.

  13. Tiffany said...

    HAHA I'm laughing my ass off. I'm going out of town tomorrow with my two best friends and I'm thinking oh man I hope I don't run them away forever if I have to use the bathroom. I'm so glad somebody else thinks about this too. Hopefully I will be ok and still have 2 friends. LOL

  14. Insane Mama said...

    My sister has this dilema, luckily for me I don't. She starts taking a gentle type of laxative a few days before the trip and continues throughout the trip.

    How was camping where did you go?

  15. Tami said...

    My hubby has that fear. He says when he was little and playing at a friends house, he would run home to do his business and then go back to his friends house - lol!

    I definitly can't do public restrooms either.

  16. Kristen Andrews said...

    this is why I will not tent it, a private bathroom is a must for any trip I take. My kiddo has non poop issues also so I hear you, it is a pain.

  17. Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

    I am sooooooo like that too. I have the hardest time going in other places and usually always while on vacation I cannot go.I often am known to be jealous of husbands bowel movements LOL It seems the closer we get to home the more my body tells me I need to go and then I barely make it home.

    Too Funny but sadly I can relate.

  18. Ashley said...

    I hear ya. My first year of college before I transferred I lived in a dorm with 1 bathroom per floor (there were about 5 toilets in each bathroom). There weren't even doors on the toilets, just curtains. I would wait until like 3 a.m. to go in there. It's a difficult thing to get over.

  19. wehave9 said...

    ME TOO!!!! I can never "go" away from home. I always have a terrible stomach ache and spend the entire first day back in the bathroom. Weird how this happens!

  20. Ruth said...

    I, too, take a laxative before and during the trip. That way, I fit into my skinny jeans the whole time! Oh, and don't havea bellache! Hilarious post...thanks for being so honest!

  21. TentCamper said...

    Now you are speaking my language Mom.
    Let's talk poo. I love to poo...but you are right about public restrooms though. I don't generally like them. I do though use them while camping. The trick is to steak out the restroom (without being tagged as a peeper or something) and figure out what time the rangers get in there to clean. it is usually 5AM or so... as soon s they leave...I GO! I will set an alarm...to be regular.
    What is wrong wih me? name my blog about pee and love to talk about poo...shit!

  22. TentCamper said...

    by the way...the post you read will be up today..you don't bug me at all. I guess I just don't get things sometimes

  23. Jen said...

    We have camper so we're lucky there. BUT...dh's grandmother has a cabin in NH with an outhouse. A stinky outhouse. I try and hold out as long as I can up there. And then I leave the door open. I'm sure one day I'll shock a letterboxer as they go by the outhouse! lol

  24. Ann said...

    Oh geez!
    There was an article in Reader's Digest about this!!!
    We are not alone.
    (And by my referrencing R.D. that means I read it in the bathroom of course. Doesn't everyone?)

  25. Merrie said...

    Glad K kept it together on the potty training. Good girl! Sorry her mom didn't have the same comfort.

    Missed you, and now we're going out of town. Perhaps we can meet up to see "Sisterhood" early next week?

  26. Chelle said...

    Ew, I hate other bathrooms, too! I don't know what it is....just the thought of it...ew.

  27. Tena said...

    I can realte to this! I can't and won't go out in public! So funny how so many of us have hang up's on poop. Seems we all need to read the 'Everyone Poops" book a little more often, lol!
    Welcome home!

  28. Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

    Too funny. I hate to say it, but I have never had this problem. That said, at school, my system gets into a rhythm that does not allow me to go #2 until 3:00pm. Funny, huh? It probably has something to do with the fact that the restroom nearest my classroom is open to the hallway and is directly across from a classroom. The teacher in there leaves his door open all the time, so if I'm peeing or something, I can hear him teaching! This naturally has the effect of constipation!~

  29. smiles4u said...

    Too funny and too true!

  30. Molly said...

    I have this very issue...have for years, never quiet get over it. I also have the opposite problem in one place...bookstores.

    Funny for years, i thought I was the only one...then earlier this week....

    http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/2857842/31770858

    Apparently, I am not the only one that can benefit from the bookstore...read on at another blog I read.

  31. ali said...

    Welcome back! I agree, there's no place like home...and your own bathroom. I'm so done with campground facilities, we haven't been camping in years because just the thought of those bathrooms creep me out.

  32. Alice said...

    The best part of visiting Vegas is the almost total anonymity of a casino bathroom. There are so many people going in and out, that I feel comfortable doing whatever in there. That's where your next trip needs to be!

  33. Amanda @ notsoextraordinary said...

    and heaven forbid you actually DO make an embarassing ill-timed noise. Ya know, if you do, and you remain COMPLETELY silent in the following seconds, noone will actually hear it?

    it's tru, i do it all the time.

  34. Jenny said...

    Oh Jen. You poor non-pooper. If you were camping...does that mean you had to, like, go crouch in a bush? There is no way in HELL I would have done that. My blue eyes would have turned brown by the end of the trip. Unh-unh. No spank you. Other than that...I'm pretty regular. :)

  35. Ali Blogger said...

    This happens to me too! I swear the SECOND I step foot into my house I feel the urge to go. So weird.

  36. Elle said...

    Why does that happen? It's the worst. Brave of you to blog about that subject, pretty funny.

  37. Ms. K said...

    Oh my! I've totally been there before! Especially before I was married and I would take weekend trips with boys. I wouldn't ever poop! I'm a little poo-shy.

  38. Darcie said...

    Yeah, um I think that's called safe toilet syndrome and let's just say you're not the only one with that little problem. Probably the only one brave enough to blog it though. Gotta love ya for that!

    I'm cracking up btw.

  39. Corey~living and loving said...

    Holy CRAP! I can so relate. GREAT post! Definately a favorite. tee hee

    welcome home!

  40. The Mrs. said...

    Oh I feel your pain. My inlaws only have one bathroom and I get paranoid.

    I hope your back on track soon.

  41. Janine said...

    I wish I didn't relate, but I do. Sigh.

  42. Rebecca a.k.a. Mum said...

    Urgh one of the MANY reasons I do not like to camp out.
    I need a REAL bed, a REAL shower and especially a REAL (clean and private) toilet!!

    Love the pic of Mizz K on her potty, I wonder if they sell adult versions of those?? lol

  43. Jonny's Mommy said...

    Oh my gosh this is so hilarious! And believe me, as others have said, you are not alone!

  44. Not Just Any Jen said...

    This happens to me every time I go on vacation. It gets so aggravating, glad everyone else did fine including the baby.

    BTW, last night I dreamed that I met you in real life at a blueberry stand in Michigan. We chatted. I told you that I liked your new look (blog design) and you told me your changed your font. Then I asked you how you put a link to other people's post under your blogroll.
    Then I put your hair in a ponytail and the ponytail holder broke. Weird, huh? Just thought I would let you know.
    Jen

  45. mom2natnkatncj said...

    Hahahaha, I think it must be a woman thing or something. We just don't want anyone knowing that we do that. I actually hate anyone seeing that I buy toilet paper because then they all know what I do ;). Okay, they know I do it anyways, but we certainly don't want them knowing that, right?

    I'm glad you have the freedom now to let it all out ;).

  46. Patrice said...

    lol! This is hilarious. Sadly I can't relate.. or I've just never thought about it enough to realize I have this problem! You are one brave woman.. I can't say that I would post about my lack of going to the bathroom. But you pulled it off!
    Glad you're back and you have excellent taste in guest-posters!

  47. McMommy said...

    The Mom....you crack me up!! Only you can post about poop and make it interesting!!!

    Glad to have you back with us in bloggeritaville!

  48. Tonya said...

    I'm exactly the same .. never go in public ... oh and as you know I have Crohn's. Ask dh how painful that can be!

    I wish it was different but alas its not lol.

  49. Wendi said...

    You. are. hilarious.
    Even when discussing poop.
    I completely agree.
    I suffer from the same problem.
    I just never knew it had a name.
    Now I know.
    Vacation Constipation.
    Thanks for sharing.

Related Posts with Thumbnails