The Bewitching Hour

Sometimes you just need a break.

Like last night, I contemplated eating my delicious BBQ hamburger dinner in my bedroom.

But, I just got a new mattress topper and I didn't want it ending up smelling like beef.

Right now it smells like green tea and at night I dream of the orient.

Who wants to dream of butcher shops and raw meat?

Anyhoo.

K, the spirited 4 year old was out.of.control.

Just over tired, but loud as all get out, and tantruming over not liking HANDURGER.

"NO MEAT, just bread and cheese! No beans, NO SAHWAHD!"

It was like we forcing her to eat tires and sand!

Summer preschool is in session, half to keep her busy, and half to make the week a tad more sane for everyone.  So on school days, she normally needs a nap by 1pm.

Except for the fact she doesn't nap anymore.

So 1pm she's a whiney mess.

And, by 5pm, delirious.  She will breakdown and cry if the toilet seat is left up.

"I.Don't.Want.to.Touch.the.Seat!!"

Don't blame you on that sister.

So we break down and unlock the cartoon channels , and we have down time.

Sometimes milk is in order.  Sometimes chocolate. Sometimes bribery.

Right now it's Tinkerbell and a Ding Dong.

By the end of the summer, someone may just have one of those motorized vehicles cruising around the neighborhood.

Don't judge me or I'll send her to your house for HAPPY FUN HOUR every evening.

Toddler Swap

Seriously.

Who swapped my sweet-faced toddler with this tantrum-ing version of Chuckie!?

Some of you not familiar with Child's Play from the late 80's early 90's are all..WHA!?

Yeah, the rest of you may know what I mean.

My 3 and a half year old chubby-cheeked-ball of preciousness has turned into a little monster.

Holy bejeezus.

Someone doesn't like to be told no.

If by chance she asks something like, "can I have candy for bweckfist?!" and you tell her in your sweetest mommy voice, "sorry honey, that's not quite healthy" she turns into this tantrum-tornado who then likes to mouth-off, "THEN I DON'T LOVE YOU!"

Ouch.

You don't know how much that hurts.

Truly, I know it's just out of frustration and toddler determination, but man, just rip my heart out and serve it with fava beans and chianti why don't you?!

Another (probably incorrect) movie reference....Silence of the Lambs...come on keep up.

Anyway.

After I tell my sweet K, "oh man, that wasn't very nice to say" she continues to stoke her own fire by yelling the next threat, "well then I'm going to bite my Thumbert!"

Oh great, now she's inflicting pain on herself.

Fabulous.

How many years of therapy is this going to take!?

Still not going to let me mom? This next, "then I'm going to throw this juice cup across the room!" and not care if it hits anyone or anything!

Holy crap, who is this kid!?

And, boy do we need to channel that pitching arm into softball in a few years!

So, great, now what.

I lucked out with all 3 of my kids that they all skipped the Terrible Twos.

How did I get such angels, I'd ask the heavens.

But, each one of them has had this phase at three that truly makes me want to run away and join the circus and work with man-eating lions.

Hubby knows better to ask about my day lately.

If he comes home and I've locked myself in the bathroom to avoid getting hit by a sippy, he can figure out what's been happening.

I double-check with the preschool teachers to make sure all is okay there and she isn't stealing kids' snack or pouring sand down anyone's shirt.

She's a gem, they say.

Yaya says when she's at her house, she's fine, loving as ever.

Super.

It's just for me.

I'm so lucky.

If you stop by and I'm wearing ear plugs and a helmet, you'll know why.