I'm Inspiring to No One.

Truth is...

I suck at exercise.

Exercise increases my appetite, thus I eat more.

Then I justify it WITH the exercise.

I love food, especially the comfort-high carb kind.

I hate being sweaty and the feeling of gargling my heart.

Jillian has ruined me.

I have yet to find the balance.

I got through 27 days of the 30 day Shred and then took a week off.

NOT easy to jump back in to.

I'm an inspiration to no one.

At the same time I say I will finish the last 3 days, I also say, "Hawaii's island-clothing theme IS muumuu's" 

So when in Rome...

or Maui...

Yes, I'm hard on myself, I'm not actually the size of a house. 

Just flabby in the middle. 

Only a tummy tuck will remedy that skin-tastic mess.

Thanks un-forgiving skin cells.

I haven't quit.  Just looking for that tankini rather than the full-monty bikini.

Or finding that adorable tank to wear with my bikini bottoms.

Or finding an hot skirt to wear with the bikini top.

See, I'm flexible.

Just not into the whole exercise shenanigans.

But, my portions have improved 10-fold.

I feel healthier and my coat is extra shiny.

My last efforts are trying Zumba at the girls' dance studio.

Just got the memo that it's FREE now through July to parents of students.

I can go a total of 5 times before my trip.

....it's worth a try.

I think.

Update on The 30-day Shred

So you know I've been getting myself into shape the past few weeks, I wrote a post about my introduction to the 30-day Shred in hopes I would have to own up to it a bit more.

I completed day 24 today.

I'll pause a minute for the applause.

I hear it in my head.

So, over 3 weeks of daily butt-busting.

It's a new high for me.

I admit to about 2 days off, but I picked up where I left off the next day.

And, when we biked 7 hours through wine country on Thursday, I declared that officially days 22 and 23 of working out.

Because it worked my ass off.

If felt damn good, but it was a challenge to the exercise hater inside of me.

The first week was the hardest, and like the cliches, it does get easier.

But, there are also 3 levels on the workout DVD that get progressively harder.  Going from L1 to L2 is like stopping for a month and starting all over.

Day 10 with L2 I had to stop and rest quite a bit and I was sore the next day all over again.

About Day 17-ish I started getting down on myself, looking in the mirror I had hoped to see more of a change.

I follow the #30dayShred hashtag on Twitter and was hearing and seeing befores and afters.  My afters were still not drastic.  But, I wasn't done, I was midway, but I wanted to look skinnier and I didn't.

It was that night I went to my mom's.  She owns a scale.  I do not.

I weighed myself,  ready to shove a cupcake in my mouth and quit the whole program if I was still the same weight as I started.

I was shocked.  I saw a number I hadn't seen in a while.  I came out of the bathroom and wanted to cheer, even if it would result in some quizzical faces until I explained.

I was more motivated than ever.

Even now, my husband will get his workout on with me.

I have "called in" one circuit, but I blame my Aunt Flo.

I will substitute more abs for less strength, and I may revert to a simpler cardio once in a while.

I have been cutting back, calorie-wise, but I'm still enjoying an occasional dessert and glass of wine.

But, it's happening!  My body IS changing, slowly but surely.

My pants are looser, I feel stronger.

You know that whole "takes....blah blah blah time to put it on, it's going to take at least that long to take it off."

If it ends up taking 12 years, then I'm totally giving up.

But it won't.

29 days until Maui and I want to work that bikini.

Even if it is "mom-of-3-style."

I'm hoping there will be at least one good picture I can post and that I won't want to photoshop.

Shred+Donuts=Motivation

For the last 4 days, I've been getting my BEHIND kicked.

No, I haven't been mouthing off in the school parking loop.

In a good way.

But a sore, "ooch my thighs burn when I do the potty squat" kind of way.

Do you know this woman?

She's mean.

She doesn't like resting.

She's a drill sargeant.

And...she looks kinda mannish, no?!

Jillian Michaels and the 30-day Shred have been my FRENEMIES for the past 4 days.

I admit, heading into day 5, I don't loathe her as much as I did on day one.

But, she's still a meanie.

With totally awesome abs.

Sigh.

My support system Ana got wrangled into doing the workout with me.

By accident.

She replied to my Facebook comment about wanting and needing the program before my Maui trip in May.

I don't think she knew what she was getting in to.  She hates exercise.  She likes donuts and burgers and pizza.

Hell, so do I.

So what are two moms who would rather be eating doing each morning at 9:30am?

Getting out butts kicked into shape.

I don't do gyms.  I've started and quit 3 times in my life already, there's no point.

I'm actually getting close to saying, "I'm good, I'll embrace my extra tummy skin, thank you DQ, My Boy, and K!" (grr)

I'm close to bowing out.  This is the hump I need to get over.

I'm clear on my way to something good for my body, my esteem, and my Hawaii photos.

I can't give up.

But, it's easy to say, "ah, I'll get back to that Monday" as tomorrow is the start of the weekend.

But, I can't.

And Ana won't let me.

I won't let her quit either.

After day one, we went to the donut shop.

We walked, but we still had a treat.

We have to do that tomorrow again as well.  So I don't fall off the wagon.

Plus I miss my abs.

They've been missing for 12 years.

Kind words of support,  if you will?

Wedgie.

Duh, why didn't I think of this before.

Instead of loafing about playing on my iPod during soccer practice, why not get off my ass and walk?

Not that speed-walking though.

I don't want to look crazy pumping my arms, and I always get like off-rhythm and look like Phoebe running in Friends.

Just walking at a brisk pace to get my heart rate up.

Burn a few Halloween Oreos.

(is my poop going to turn orange? that dye is dark!)

 So I tried it one day at K's practice and I got a bit huffy puffy.

You know because my body is all, "what are you doing, shouldn't you be in bed playing Words with Friends eating Oreos at noon?"

And I was all, yes, but my muffin top is out of control and my pants hurt when I wear them.

So alas, I walked, a few laps around the field.

Last night we walked after eating Chinese food so I could drink wine without guilt while watching 30 Rock.

Today, another practice and 5 laps.  Barefoot.

My shins are crying, but I felt good afterwards.

Minus the inner thigh chafing.

Note to self, wear longer shorts or you'll have to constantly dig them out of your wedge-ical area.


It's not very lady-like.


I know i'm late to the party when it comes to staying fit, but this is a huge baby step for me.

I've joined and quit the gym like 3 times.

And, I'm officially banned from buying Ab-rollers from informercials at 2am.

This is decent, I can do it, and I'm getting less huffy-puffy at it.

Stay at home moms don't get much in the way of pats on the back, so this is my own self-patting.


And after 12+ years at home, I need all the patting I can get.

So to recap:  When your kids are in activities, burn calories so you can eat empty ones with wine and watch TV afterwards without guilt.

See and you thought you had to pay $60/month for a gym membership. You're welcome I just saved you money.

The End.