Struggle.

If you've ever had a panic attack, you know it sucks.

The whole elephant on your chest, the heart palpitations, the full blown anxiety that makes you want to jump out of your skin.

I remember the first one I ever had sent me to the ER. 

They mimic the feeling of a heart attack.  I think.  So I hear.

Fingers are tingly and cold.

Dizzy.

I remember the doctor told me that all the tests came back normal.  There was nothing wrong.

I begged to differ.

Well there wasn't anything wrong with my heart.

My mind...another story.

I guess this is where being a lifelong worry wort doesn't help matters.

I've had a few big attacks since.

They come on often with no rhyme or reason that I can put my finger on.

Ultimately there is buried worry, stress, fear.  But on one occasion, my husband and I were headed to a weekend away, no kids, to the coast.  It was going to be phenomenal.  On the car ride over I was perspiring, heart racing, I remembered that feeling and asked WHY? Why now of all times?

The kids were in great hands as always with my parents.

We were going to have much needed 'couple time.'

We were going to the beach.

Here I am again.  Feeling that elephant squeezing the life out of me.  What are we doing this weekend?  Heading out to a wonderful weekend at a resort in San Diego. Just hubby and I.  On a much needed getaway. 

It's like my body doesn't want me to slow down and catch my breath. 

I don't get it.

I'm popping a(nother) Xanax and I'm going to lay down.

Ever happen to you?

9 supporters in group:

  1. Ann said...

    Dear Jen,

    You know that you work hard and deserve time alone - with your husband, right? You deserve joy.

    I'm so sorry these panic attacks happen to you. Thank God for Xanax!

    Deep breaths, you have my support. Why do our brains mess us up like this?!?

    (hug)

  2. Shana said...

    I'm sorry Jen. I've had a panic attack once and it was no fun. My husband suffers from major anxiety and it's hard just watching him if he has an attack.
    I hope you can enjoy your time with your husband and just keep telling yourself your kids are in wonderful hands and you are going to have fun.

  3. sweetmelbelle31 said...

    They are absolutely horrible, panic attacks that is! I've been dealing with Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Panic Attacks since 1996 shortly after the birth of my first child. I've been to the hospital many times during an attack, hooked up to all kinds of machines.
    I take Lexapro which helps keep my worry levels down and I have xanax on hand for emergencies. I've noticed if I take xanax more than a week then my anxiety worsens without them, guess thats why they are highly addictive.

    It really helps me to talk about the things causing me to worry or panic.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  4. Ali said...

    I hate that feeling of helplessness that comes with an attack. Everytime it happens I say that I'm going to get medication but then it passes and life goes on and boom! out of no where anxiety hits and no xanax for me:( I usually end up calling my husband to talk me down. This might be a good reminder for me to call my doctor for a prescription:)

  5. McMommy said...

    Jen, I used to suffer from horrendous panic attacks...and yes, one even sent me to the ER as well. I hated the fact that these attacks just sprung seemingly out of nowhere and it frightened me to no end that I had no control over it. My panic attacks have all but ceased and this happened as soon as I went on daily medication for my thyroid issue. Not sure if you have ever had your thyroid tested, but if you haven't, I would highly recommend it b/c thyroid disorders are SO common in women. Reading your post just brought back all those memories of what I used to suffer through...and my heart reaches out to you b/c I know living with panic attacks SUCKS. Love ya and keep the Xanax within reach! And maybe a wine glass. :) xoxo

  6. Michelle said...

    I've never experienced a panic attack before but have begun to think my hubby possibly has been over the last year or so. He even went to the doctor a few months ago and she ran a bunch of test. He mentioned anxiety, she said reflux. Who knows!

    I hope you can work through it and enjoy your weekend.

  7. Carol said...

    Yes I have and it's horrid. In the fall of 2006 I quit work for good and we took a trip back east. I was tense for the whole trip, and shortly after we got home I landed in the hospital for a weekend, where they tried to determine why my blood pressure was sky high. The ER doctor told me I had a brain disease. That helped a lot! Ultimately I ended up visiting my regular doctor who determined I was suffering from anxiety. She explained that as we get older our bodies no longer produce enough seratonin which helps us to deal with things. Lexapro made a major difference (now citalopram, basically the same thing but much much cheaper). I still get that feeling now and then, but I can take deep breaths and talk myself down now. So why do doctors not consider anxiety?

  8. Whiney Momma said...

    I have GAD. I haven't been formally diagnosed but I know that is what I have. I get anxious phases where my mind gets stuck like a record player and whatever it is bothering me just keeps spinning around in my head. I have only had a few physical panic attacks...mostly it is just generalized anxiety but it sucks so I am really feeling for you. I remind myself that whatever it is that is bothering me is "all in my head" and that I need to distract myself. It is always easier said than done. I hope you can get past it and enjoy your time with your husband. You can't let these things take over...hopefully your medication will help.

  9. Carrie Lynne said...

    Been there,done that got the xanax.
    Just breathe. You could try yoga deep breathing techniques, they have helped me in the past.

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