The Elephant Followed Me to BlogHer...(part 2)
Read Part One...So the first night of BlogHer, easy peasy.
Sure there were a bajillion people swarming around like bees to honey on the Expo floor, I know, those Kudos boys with hard hats and tool belts were hot!
And I do say boys, because they could be some of our sons..ahem, not mine tho, I'm young.
I handled day one.
Day 2, another story entirely.
Breakfast was fine, met up with familiar faces and took in lots of bacon to get my day started.
Listened to the intro talk from the founders of BlogHer, empowerment, all that good stuff.
Ditched a class because by the time we arrived it was full and the floor was full and we were just full of it all.
More Expo time, then I had a lunch event with McDonalds.
Yes, McD's was a huge sponsor of the event and a select 40-50 dined with the President and company dietician. (Cool beans, and the Asian Salad is yumolicious!)
More classes, then I went back to my room to get ready for my first party.
A company I reviewed for hosted an event off site, so that meant cab or walk. Cabs are $$ so I walked and it was further than I thought.
5-10 blocks, whatever, my bare feet fried, I walked in sweaty and ready for a drink!
Except it was awkward, no one really greeted us, the product was out for sampling, but no formal plan, I found a familiar face and she saved me.
We left together, with our swag bags in tow and a slight idea of where we were headed.
2600 blocks, or 5, later we found her next event.
One I wasn't invited to, but they graciously allowed me to join. My friend stayed a bit, called her husband who also had the car, and we were picked up and off to our NEXT event.
At this point, my anxiety was building. So many faces, so many events, so many people to meet and remind me of why I was attending.
We reached our next destination and I felt tightness in my chest. We got to the event, met a few ladies and my head began to spin, my heart beating a mile a minute, I was in a cold sweat. I can't stay here.
I was talking like I had run 10 miles.
Got back into the car and my ever so gracious friends dropped me off at the hotel.
Two more parties for the night....one in my very hotel.
I ordered room service and put the TV on.
That was all I could do.
(more to come...)
Struggle.
If you've ever had a panic attack, you know it sucks.The whole elephant on your chest, the heart palpitations, the full blown anxiety that makes you want to jump out of your skin.
I remember the first one I ever had sent me to the ER.
They mimic the feeling of a heart attack. I think. So I hear.
Fingers are tingly and cold.
Dizzy.
I remember the doctor told me that all the tests came back normal. There was nothing wrong.
I begged to differ.
Well there wasn't anything wrong with my heart.
My mind...another story.
I guess this is where being a lifelong worry wort doesn't help matters.
I've had a few big attacks since.
They come on often with no rhyme or reason that I can put my finger on.
Ultimately there is buried worry, stress, fear. But on one occasion, my husband and I were headed to a weekend away, no kids, to the coast. It was going to be phenomenal. On the car ride over I was perspiring, heart racing, I remembered that feeling and asked WHY? Why now of all times?
The kids were in great hands as always with my parents.
We were going to have much needed 'couple time.'
We were going to the beach.
Here I am again. Feeling that elephant squeezing the life out of me. What are we doing this weekend? Heading out to a wonderful weekend at a resort in San Diego. Just hubby and I. On a much needed getaway.
It's like my body doesn't want me to slow down and catch my breath.
I don't get it.
I'm popping a(nother) Xanax and I'm going to lay down.
Ever happen to you?
Dumps.
It's been one of those weeks.I don't have much inspiration to write, just trucking along with all the normal business of our lives.
Thinking of the family who will memorialize their son, grandson, nephew, cousin, friend tonight, then bury him tomorrow.
As a parent you just can't fathom a loss of a child, a 9 year old.
I look at my kids everyday and am blessed they are here with me. It's scary to think that anyone can lose that feeling of security, of life, breathing, talking, playing. I never want to know how it feels.
My over-protective style of parenting doesn't come with any guarantees.
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My parents are in Cabo.
I'm used to talking to my mom everyday. She's called once in the week she's been gone. It's strange. During this time of loss, the distance between her and I is painful. I need a backup.
But, my selfishness is trumped by the tone in her voice when she called. She and my dad and their friends are having the time of their lives. Vacation. Relaxation. Sun. Mexican food. Beaches. They deserve it.
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Why does everything happen on one day?
Today, both of my children's schools have Open House. Same town, opposite ends, same time6-7pm. Plus, dance photos starting after school running through 7-8pm. K has two shots, DQ has 7.
Then the memorial service from 5-8pm. Sure if there was 4 of me, no problem.
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It's no secret that anxiety and depression have been a part of my life. Certain times it flares up and you want to stay in bed all day.
I need a sign... the sun would be great on this dreary foggy day.
Hubby needs a sign that the economy will turn around or that his job situation will improve.
My Boy needs a sign that after going 0-9, his baseball team will win at least one game.
DQ needs a sign that these last two back-to-back ear infections that happened after swimming won't make the summer a pool-less misery.
.....
.....
This patience thing....not my strong suit.
The Windy City
I miss Chicago.
Although I was there for only 36 short hours, I fell in love.
The food was incredible. How can I eat another regular pizza again?
I'm sure you've never had a Hoovertini.
Good news is, I survived.
The trip was such a great success.
Internet Media, read my badge.
I had photography rights that only few others had. I felt a sense of power, I admit.
I got *~~~* that close to Paula Deen. The Queen of
I met other women, mothers, bloggers that were beautiful inside and out.
And...I only broke out once. It was with Holly, dang it, at the end of the last hour of my trip. Luckily I had a spare antihistamine and didn't have to bring out a bandaid and lie about some shaving accident. By my eye.
Anyway.
Lucky for me, I met some great new friends, Mari and Rich.
They were generous enough to give me a tour of the city, bring me Chicago pizza, Garrett's popcorn, and offer an appreciation of the city I had come to visit.
96 floors off the ground is the Signature Lounge in the Hancock Building.
Literally in the clouds, the view is stunning.
At the International Home and Housewares show, I cleaned up a little Gatorade spill with the Hoover FloorMate. Then washed and dried the floor. With the same machine. Which was awesome.
Honey, I promise to do this at home too.
I got the blues...
in a good way of course!
...did I mention the Hoovertinis (with Lee, Jessi, and Ruth)?
....more to come....
Hives, and Not the Bee Type
How do you react to stress?I normally break out in hives, thanks for asking.
Social anxiety does that to me.
As if I wasn't already self-conscious enough.
Out sprouts a large red bump on the middle of my cheek.
Glorious.
Like a mutant-Rudolph.
Then I can't stop touching it, or covering it up, bringing even more attention to it. To me.
Not good.
So heading off to a strange city to meet
But, alas, I am on a plane to Chicago as I type.
In-flight wi-fi is so stinking rad!
Plus it's sorta calming my nerves a bit.
Sorta.
It may not be BlogHer, but baby steps.
I so far have only taken an antihistamine, and left my Xanax at home.
My cheek feels hot.
Bonus though, my brother's friends are picking me up from the airport for a tour of the city.
Me alone in the windy city is slightly frightening.
Hopefully my skin stays under control and I don't flare up and scare everyone.
It's bad enough I may have to use an airline restroom for the first time. Ick.
I'll probably post more than usual too.
You understand, the whole therapeutic thing and all.
Breathe.
Is it normal to think of the passengers of LOST while mid-air?
Great.
Thanks Marsie and Rich!
