Struggle.

If you've ever had a panic attack, you know it sucks.

The whole elephant on your chest, the heart palpitations, the full blown anxiety that makes you want to jump out of your skin.

I remember the first one I ever had sent me to the ER. 

They mimic the feeling of a heart attack.  I think.  So I hear.

Fingers are tingly and cold.

Dizzy.

I remember the doctor told me that all the tests came back normal.  There was nothing wrong.

I begged to differ.

Well there wasn't anything wrong with my heart.

My mind...another story.

I guess this is where being a lifelong worry wort doesn't help matters.

I've had a few big attacks since.

They come on often with no rhyme or reason that I can put my finger on.

Ultimately there is buried worry, stress, fear.  But on one occasion, my husband and I were headed to a weekend away, no kids, to the coast.  It was going to be phenomenal.  On the car ride over I was perspiring, heart racing, I remembered that feeling and asked WHY? Why now of all times?

The kids were in great hands as always with my parents.

We were going to have much needed 'couple time.'

We were going to the beach.

Here I am again.  Feeling that elephant squeezing the life out of me.  What are we doing this weekend?  Heading out to a wonderful weekend at a resort in San Diego. Just hubby and I.  On a much needed getaway. 

It's like my body doesn't want me to slow down and catch my breath. 

I don't get it.

I'm popping a(nother) Xanax and I'm going to lay down.

Ever happen to you?