The Ants Go Marching One by One Hoorah, Hoorah!











Spiders, I can handle. Flies, they're okay. Earwigs not bad...but, ANTS, I cannot stand.

They freak me out.

They are bazillions of them at a time, and during the summer time, they invade our home. I have to address this. Sure they carry their weight on their backs, but if I find them in my Special K, the shit will hit the fan. I wrote a poem, I call this little diddy:

ODE TO OUR ANTS


Black and creepy, crawly and small
I do not like you at all.

You move so fast and in a line
An insect not a favorite of mine.

On the counters on the floors
in the bathroom, inside the drawers.

No real destination, just randomly about
I see you in the shower, curse words I shout!

In the couch cushions and in the hamper
On my day you put a damper.

I spray you with hair spray, try to drown you out
From the spigot you come right out of the spout.

You're in the walls, fearing heat and water
You get squished and yelled at by my littlest daughter.

Hubby sprays but you keep coming back
I'm searching for a better plan of attack.

Crawl down my leg and tickle my feet
Don't ever want to admit defeat.

So the summer begins and I dread to say
The ants are here, they're here to stay.

38 supporters in group:

  1. Chandra Stauffer said...

    It's so true! We get them every summer too. It drives me completely bonkers. After using every chemical killer on the market with no success, my husband looked up "natural" remedies. He tried bay leaves and borax.

    Do we still live with ants?

    Of course we do.

  2. Tracey said...

    I'm with you girl! I hate ants too!!!

  3. Sue said...

    Blecchh! I loathe those little f&ckers. I have so many ant traps out -they should come in decorator colors.

    Jen, when you have a sec, can u explain SITS to me? (maybe over at cre8buzz) I have the button up but now what?

    Thanx girlfriend.:)

  4. ali said...

    You know what we get coming into the house every summer? Scorpions! Yuck (and scary!)

  5. Michelle said...

    Great Blog, I am enojoying it!!

    Now if you dont like Ants, you would hate Carpenter Ants, you know those big giant black ones. Uhg, we had those last year...not fun!

  6. Lindsey said...

    I'm the opposite. I can't handle spiders, ants don't bother me. Nice poem. By the way, LOVE the song. It's on my latest compilation CD.

  7. tollesons4him said...

    I don't like ants either and they seem to never die!! Great poem you wrote :)

  8. Darcie said...

    Ick ick ick. Hide the peanut butter in the oven. Put the honey in the fridge.

    I wonder if garlic repels ants the way it does vampires???

  9. Marla said...

    very clever... thankfully we don't have much of ant problem in the NW, must have something to do with the wet weather, that or the lack of sunshine - it's back to 50 degrees and raining :) On the flip side we have slugs! I think i'd rather have ants

  10. All Adither said...

    Oh, this song is going to be in my head all day now.

  11. Kareer Woman said...

    I HATE ants! LOVE the poem :)

  12. Ramblin' Red said...

    Icky...icky..icky

    I'm all crawly....

    I do not like bugs in general. Ants and earwigs creep the hell out of me.

  13. Shannon said...

    We've had tons lately, too, they drive me bonkers. At least the poem is fun!! My DH insists on taking them outside ALIVE (animal lover to the extreme) but I stomp 'em up when I can!

  14. Sarah McBride said...

    Oh my gosh I HATE ants too. We have the fire ants that bite at the slightest movement and they are all over the place. DIE ANTS DIE!!

  15. Merrie said...

    But didn't you know? Htown was built ON an ant farm!
    We have yet to see the little suckers this summer...yet!

  16. lilmomthatcould.com said...

    Ants are bad news- but FYI they ate mint- when ants are inside I hide sticks of gum, wrapped in certain places- put a little mint oil in with my vinegar and water- Yesterday out of my garden with mint mouthwash:)

  17. Not Just Any Jen said...

    Ugh...I had ants for years, and last summer while trying to sell our house, I finally called Orkin. I was hesitant to sign a contract, but continued it into our new house.I LOVE not having ants!!!!!!
    Feel your pain.

  18. McMommy said...

    I'm with you! Right now these little chubby black ants have invaded my kitchen....right by where I keep my laptop!!!!

    I think they are trying to start a blog. But I keep squishing them.

  19. ciara said...

    i HATE ants, too...the first yr that we moved into this house (we've been here going on two yrs), there were fire ants! couldn't be black ants,noooo, so we were getting bit all the time. i don't like any bugs, insects, reptiles, etc. oh yeah, we had a black ant invasion, too.

  20. Bahama Shores Mama said...

    better the ants than the roaches that are the size of VW Bugs we get here in FL.

  21. Tenakim said...

    Yuk- the comments are freaking me out! I hate bugs! I always have a contract with a bug company for quarterly service... I call the second I see a bug and they spray. We live near a national wildlife preserve and we have found lizards and snakes in our basements- eek- bug co. doesn't take care of that!

  22. *Becky* said...

    Uh oh, we have an ant farm here. On purpose. It is contained.

    Spiders creep me OUT

  23. TentCamper said...

    Great poem.
    I don't have too big a problm with antsbut we don't have too many here. I hate centepedes and spiders...and of course, when I lived in NYC...roaches.

  24. Lisa said...

    I hate ants too! We've had such a wet summer so far that they've been crazy around here! I'm going to go & sing them your song :)

  25. insane mama said...

    I can guarantee you that our house has more ants then your house... In fact I believe our house is built on top of an ancient Ant buriel ground and they are paying us back

  26. Kristen Andrews said...

    yuck on Ants! My good friend has ants and it really bothers her so what did my kiddo do at her house scream "you have ants let's count them" it was embarassing.

  27. hismile64 said...

    I put baby powder on my counters when they tried taking over the kitchen - it kinda worked ...

  28. Kaza said...

    Too funny. I can relate, to both the bug hate and the poetry inspired by them. I once began a poem (almost a rap really, though I have no rhythm so it didn't work out so well) after finding a spider in the shower. It went something like this:

    "Fly in the ointment, spider in the shower, but I have the power, to kick him out, to toss him to the floor, to squash him by the door..." But that's as far as I got. I like yours much better.

  29. flickrlovr said...

    Ooh Jen, I feel ya girl! When we get ants, we use Orange Guard, which is safe to use around pets and kids-yay-and actually works well-double yay-(www.orangeguard.com)
    Closest place for you to buy it would be The Wellness Clinic ;)

    I say it's worth checking out. All of our friends that have used it have loved it and said that it works immediately (you spray it on the ants as they're marching and they DIE! DIE! DIE! a sort of painful, writhing, death...it's quite fun to watch, actually) or you can spray it before you see 'em, like in corners, the hole they come from, etc.

    Maybe that'll help?

    Good luck. I don't use the word hate too often, but I hate ants!

    Nice poem-writing skills, by the way...

  30. Smart A$$ Mom said...

    It baffles me when people geek about the ants here, they don't bite or sting. But I feel ya, snakes-snakes scare the crap outta me!

  31. Wendi said...

    Love your little diddy!

    Hate those little ants!

  32. Rochelle said...

    Great poem since we live on the world's largest ant hill!

    There is hope, but it will cost you. Call Orkin and for $200ish they will do a one time spray. I usually spray in early June before they go into the walls. I don't normally use pesticides but when I found ants on the toilet seat, in my microwave, and in my bra, I had to take chemical action!!

  33. Rebecca a.k.a. Mum said...

    Love you ode to ants, can't believe those little buggers are all OVER your house!

    They don't bother me with the bug factor, but that would be pissing me off with them everywhere.

    Hope you can control then at least!

    If they are at all coming from outside did you know ants will not cross a chalk line?
    Draw a good thick line over window sills and doors and that will stop them coming in....or near where they come from otherwise.

  34. Crazed Mom said...

    Love the poem!! Ants don't bother me unless they are fire ants which sting and hyrt like freakin' hell.(They donlt live in the NW but down in CA). Now cockroaches I detest. We don't really have them up here either. Phew.

  35. Deanna said...

    Hey, from experience I know, just set out a container of Kraft parmesian cheese and they'll flock to it! Then throw it out. I've thrown out tons, until I grew a brain cell and started putting in the fridge.

  36. LisaJane said...

    Terro Liquid Ant Bait ... is the best we've found. Every spring we get black ants coming out of nowhere. They appear on the kitchen counters, on the family room walls, in the refrigerator (yes!)in the bathrooms, everywhere! And, we've tried everything. One year, I was so frustrated I just poured the stuff you're suppose to dilute full strength all around the house and quite by accident found the "nest"! Thousands of ants came running out of a crack and onto the porch and died. Hooray! That summer we were almost ant free. But they came back, the little b@#$%^&s. :)
    So, here's what you do... put these little traps of liquid ant bait where you think the ants are coming from and during the night they will come out of their nest and crawl into the trap...but wait! They then go back to their nest covered with this poisonous liquid and die...whereupon (I love that word and don't get to use it often enough:) ... whereupon :) the rest of the ants in the nest feed on the dead ants and they die too!
    It will be tempting to kill them as they parade down the wall into the trap and back again, but be strong! The stuff will do the work for you.
    I just sat and watched the ant parade, it was mesmerizing.
    Okay...too long on ants, but try it!

  37. Susiewearsthepants said...

    LOL-This is so great! I was sitting on the couch a couple of nights ago, a disgusting, evil, vile spider was happily crawling across my knee. I do like summer, I do, I do, I do like summer......

  38. Haley-O said...

    WHAT? You prefer EARWIGS and SPIDERS to ANTS? I mean, WHAT?! ;)

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