Dreams and Reality.

I had a horrible dream last night and it's clear why.

As we were settling in for the evening I saw "earthquake" and Japan in my Twitter feed.

My emergency alert antennae were activated and I immediately turned CNN on and was floored.

Not only was the earthquake reported at EIGHT POINT NINE off the coast of Honshu, but I was watching near live footage of a tsunami flooding the island like some horror movie.

I was literally watching lives being lost and the destruction made me nauseous but I was so captivated I couldn't turn away either.

I watched Twitter and CNN and Facebook and the NYTimes website all night, I couldn't sleep. 

Then when I did, I was a top a hotel in San Diego.

The kids were swimming in the ocean and I was watching them from the roof. 

Then the earth shook, the hotel shook.

In circles.

Like when you swirl wine in a glass.

The ocean turned into a tsunami and I watched the kids taken inland with the rush of water.

The hotel I was on collapsed and I am sure I was going to die.

I didn't. 

I landed inside the hotel restaurant where I saw my brother playing poker.

I was frantic searching and looking and crying and shrieking for my kids.

I don't remember seeing my husband there, but I heard his voice.

I found a pool where there were people who were rescued, but my children were not there.

I felt empty and alone.

Then I woke to K giggling and my son singing, "one more day to my birthday, one more day to my birthday!"

Then I heard the SLAM of the bathroom door as my oldest does best.

Everyone was okay. 

My husband snoring softly beside me.

It was 6am.

I remember the dream so vividly and was so depressed.

Yet so incredibly happy it was only that.  A dream.

The Japan quake and tsunami not a dream.

News back on, Twitter feed rolling. 

Warnings for Hawaii and the West Coast.

We are safe. 

Though so many are not.

Bad dreams suck, but real life sometimes sucks more.

Something to Look Forward To.

I'm distracted.

Something is preventing me from sleeping lately.

It's not a good feeling when at 4 am you are up, eyes wide, and the quiet is deafening around you.

Your head spins with stuff.

Bills. Deadlines. Appointments. Schedules.

You want an "off button" but the switch is broken.

I turn on the iTouch, the light is blinding even on the lowest brightness.

I surf around on Twitter, Facebook, email.

Nothing helps.

It's too early to get up.

I would hate to wake a kid and have them up, cranky, and sharing in my insomnia.

It's the time of year that I would have gotten away for a long weekend with my girlfriends for a recharge.

That isn't happening.

I need recharging.

I begin to plan in my head the trip that I've been waiting to take for years. 

My hubby and I celebrate 15 years married next year. 

We need to get away.  Just the two of us.

For a week at least.

To recharge.

Maybe that's it.  I lack something grand to look forward to.

Aside from the holidays that are creeping in. 

Ready for something all about us.  Remember US.  Came before the kids.  Gets lost in the shuffle most often.

US needs to get away.

 .....

Forget sheep, I need to count palm fronds to lull me back to sleep.

Hammock in the sand.

Mai Tais.

Waves crashing.

Warm ocean water.

Just him, just me.

Us.

Something to dream about...