Lonely Mama Bird

People keep asking, "oh my gosh did you cry?" and they mean over K starting Kindergarten.

Um, no, not in the way you think, like saddy pants.

I cried tears of joy that after 13 years of being home, I now have ME time.

Honestly, K has been ready for full time school since birth.

She was so sad to see brother and sister leave each day, she wanted homework, she wanted to have a backpack with school supplies, she wanted the constant activity!

She had no nerves about meeting her teacher, she has embraced early mornings, and comes home so full of happiness and fun stories, I've had no reason to be sad in the boo-hoo sense.

I'm proud of all my kids and how well they do in these life situations, they rock school and great behavior and responsibility.

BUT.

BUT...after 3 weeks, I'm feeling strange. 

When I come home from dropoff, I look around and see the dishes piled, laundry piled, the rooms dusty and say, "yay, I can clean." 

Yay, I can watch my tv shows.

Yay, I can work uninterrupted for 6 hours.

BUT...it's lonely, and quiet, and empty.

The excitement of my freedom is wearing off.

I miss my little birds.

I feel like an empty nester.

I feel like crawling back into bed at 8:15am and sleeping until pickup time.

Hubby has a new job in a town 30 minutes away, when for 16 years he came home for lunch every day.

That doesn't happen anymore.

Hohum.

It's a phase, it too will pass, right?

...

I think I need a kitty.

Death and Life

I recently heard about a death of someone we knew.

She was a first cousin of my dad actually.

So my second cousin, though we weren't very close.

She worked for one of my doctors, so I did see her annually, at least.

Around town, she was always friendly, always asked about my family and my parents.

Smile on her face, always.

She passed away the day after Thanksgiving.

Unexpectedly.

Only 47 years old, two kids, grandkids.

It's bothering me.

Mortality bothers me.

I can't shake the feeling of doom for days after hearing things like this.

It's the holidays, no one should be experiencing a death in the family.

There's no good time of year though.

It's just not fair.

Makes you stop and revisit all those stupid little things that we're all worried about, complain about, obsess about.

Life's too short.

Embrace what you have.

I know that I have to take my own advice.

....

On the flip side, one of my friends just got engaged.

She SO deserves the lucky man she is with!

They both have daughters that are friends with DQ, they are already like sisters!

I'm so thrilled for them!

I needed to hear this blessing after a tragedy.

The 'ol circle of life.

Hug your loved ones tight today!

RIP Sweet Maggie.

I have a draft of a post I wanted to write about our kitty, Maggie.

I never finished it, and now I'm bummed I didn't.

We had to put Maggie down on Thursday, after 16+ years of loyalty.

The vet told us she had skin cancer.

I couldn't get out of my head that I was killing our beloved cat.

People reassured me that I was doing the right thing.

Other PERSON made me feel like I was being ruthless and mean. Ahem, you know who you are.

I'm still trying to decide, though in my deepest heart I could not bear to watch my kitty get more sick before our eyes.  It wasn't fair to her.

Originally she was a stray at my parent's house while I was in college.  When I graduated, I lived at home with her, at which time her name was "Skinny" and she was not a kitten by any means.

When I got engaged and moved into our first cottage in the country, the newly named Maggie came with us.

She was always independent.  Not the cuddler.  Not the come-in-the-house-and-hang cat. The "hey I could use some grub" and "I love you guys, but don't pick me up, I shed alot" kind.

That was okay with us.

When we moved to our current home, she came along.  There were days where we wouldn't see her, an explorer she was.  There were days when we were treated to mouse or bird heads on the back porch.  That was her way to show her love.

I had a drafted post where I was going to talk about her love for hearty leftovers, and she'd turn her nose up to dry cat food.

She loved our meatloaf, tri-tip, hamburgers, and tuna.  She especially loved milk.  This made K giggle, "she's drinking BABA!"

She was there at the births of each of my kids.  She would come around in the backyard and sit by me when they were babies.  When they learned to walk, they'd love to chase Maggie, and she was scared to death of them.  Eventually when you could talk to the kids about not being aggressive, she would come around and let them pet her.  For a few seconds, then she was done with that.

Mags had a million nicknames, Maggie, Mags, Mag, Magnesium, Magdalena, Magaroo, Magalucy, Magma, Magnatite, Magaroni, and she'd always come around with a tap to her food dish or the sound "Quiss Quiss."

It's so hard to wake up and not see her on the back step, or on the front porch, or relaxing in the sun on the sidewalk.

The kids want a new kitty to name Maggie the Second. 

I can't do it. 

Pets die.

We all deal with the reality in our own way.  Mine is to be angry and loathe dogs even more.  I know that doesn't make sense, but that's me.

K drew a picture of something she calls "alien cat" to place in the burial spot.  I don't know why it's an alien, but maybe that's her way of making sense of all of this.


My Boy sobbed and sobbed.  Honey, so did I.

Hubby planted a "bird" of paradise plant on top of her.  I think that was fitting.

DQ made the stone marker, later adding the date.


Rest in peace, sweet Mag. You were the best. You will be missed.

Heaven Has a New Angel

I've been feeling so sad for the past few days.

A classmate of My Boy's passed away Friday.

He was only 9.

He was also a cousin of a boy on our baseball team.

He had asthma, a serious attack is what took him.

My heart aches.

It isn't fair, he was just a little boy.

He was just in our car playing with K on a cold day during baseball practice.

A sweetheart with a big smile.

My Boy has bouts of asthma when he gets sick and during allergy season. The "puffer" is in our medicine cabinet arsenal.

Last night I woke up with my heart racing. I heard My Boy coughing. I panicked. Considering what happened, I rushed to see if he was okay. He coughed like once but my mom radar immediately feared.

I can't imagine the pain the family is feeling. Unfortunately this isn't their first time with family tragedy.

I've called our friends and offered our condolences, meals, our love, and any help that they need during this tough time.

We will attend the funeral at the end of the week.

For a nine year old.

Taken too soon.

No one should ever have to do this.