The Bachelor: The Most Dramatic Season Finale...tonight

I'm trying so hard to avoid all social media right now.

Living in the Pacific time zone, everyone else already knows the outcome of The Bachelor.

And, I'm starting the show 30 minutes later so I have some fast-forwarding ability on our DVR.

Now, my friends, the play-by-play of the show.
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"a few weeks ago I didn't know these girls ever existed, now one will be my wife."
--wow, the quote to tell your grandkids, Jake.

--nice pink shirt.

--Jake's brother looks just like him, maybe he should liquor-up the runner-up and set them up together.

--I said up 3 times in that sentence.

--If I was Jake's mom, I'd ask Tenley, "is that your real voice or are you a Disney Princess?"

--I'd also ask her, "are you really over your ex?!"

--His parents are SO smitten with Tenley...can't wait what they say about Vienna.

--Jake told his parents, Vienna was the girl no one liked, way to start the relationship.

--Yikes.Awkward.

--Getting.More.Awkward.

--Mom says "sister-in-laws" too much.

an aside...so something that bugs me is that Vienna is always shown in a negative light, she isn't the nicest girl in the world, I get that. But, they edit these even worse to make you think she has GOT to get the boot. BUT, if she doesn't, it's really just mean, right?!

--So nice to see Jake's mother and SIL admit they judged Vienna at first, THEN got to know her...

--Sulfur Springs...stinky, muddy, hot!

--Um. Get a room!

--Vienna's dad gave her a promise ring?

--HOW will she sleep with that obnoxious bird outside her cottage?

--Checking out on his date with Tenley.

--Whoa, did he just dump her on the boat?

--Way to back pedal.

--Okay, now I'm confused.

--Jake's pained face is goofy.

--Are they filming Vienna in the shower?

--Nice rings.

--AYE, those earrings!

--First one off the helicopter...Tenley!

--Oh crap.

--...

--Hardest goodbye ever.

--WHAT? Kate Gosselin on Dancing with the Stars! Who is going to watch the kids? Jon?

--Could Jake look a little more excited.

--Got pretty hairy there for a minute!

--Okay. I admit it, I'm in tears!

Vienna said "yes" by the way.
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--I almost forgot about "After the Final Rose."

--Let's just take Tenley's heart out and put it in a shredder.

--OMG...Jake is going to be on Dancing with the Stars?!

--Sorry, since I'm blogging, I'm not speeding through the commercials like I usually do.

--Um, Tenley, drop it.

--"Vienna's my baby!" Chris almost spit, trying to hold back his laughter.

--Vienna got her roots done.

--The audience is awfully quiet.

--More gifts from ABC, they're going back to St. Lucia for their honeymoon.

--Jeffrey Osborne singing "On the Wings of Love" has got to be the cheesiest ending ever!

--Okay, I admit it, I'm crying AGAIN.

The Bachelor: The Awkward Edition

So the Bachelor is really not as fun to watch without wine. (But I tune in for the gun show...wow).

Tons of eye-rolling this week, and I even had to cover my eyes a few times at the plane wreck I saw coming.

What an awkward episode right?

So the RV makes it's final vacation destination in sunny San Francisco. Sunny...really? Wow they timed that right on the one day a year it looks like that.

I like to think SF is Portland's dreary southern cousin.

Anyway, 5 girls, 4 dates this week and Tenley is chosen for solo-date number one.

Now, I seem to recall that a few episodes back there was a preview...that someone that squeaked like Tenley told Jake she was pregnant. Was I drinking too heavily or did anyone else remember that.....SO when is THAT going to happen!?

Back to the date. I can't seem to think straight.

Jake and Tenley head to Coit Tower, yadda yadda and he throws out the million dollar question ....what did she do wrong in her marriage that would be different next time!? Her whole answer just dripped of missing her husband, believing it was all her fault he cheated, and she still loved him. Awkward Moment #1.

I'm not a Tenley fan.

Next, Gia and Vienna get a double date to a castle/winery in Napa. Awkward Moment #2. Vienna is stealing all the attention and Gia feels like a potted plant. UNTIL...Jake whisks her away and proceeds to tell her he's really into her. They mega-makeout and here comes Vienna to ruin their moment claiming she was lost in the dungeon, oh the drama.

After escorting both of them back to their room for the night, Vienna sneaks out and visits Jake in his room with wine. Awkward Moment #3 Jake is NOT into this at all. Although in his recap, he admits she looked smokin' sexy and he was thinking dirty thoughts, his body language screamed Get the Hell Out! By the by, I'm not against Vienna. I think she's incredibly immature, but I don't dislike her as much as the girls on the show. Her eye make up does scare me though.

Next, Jake takes Corrie for a walk in the park, a boat ride, and to a science museum after hours. Um, I don't know about you, but science museums don't turn me on....really, what the public library wasn't available? Even the crickets were bored.

So Corrie admits she's saving herself for marriage and other than that, they had no chemistry and the whole date was Awkward Moment #4.

Ali lives in SF and got to plan their one-on-one date, showing him around her city. She seemed to grow up a little on this date and hopefully can get over her loathing of Vienna. Hubby thinks she and Jake have a brother/sister type relationship going on. I don't know who kisses their sibling like that...but we'll see.

Jake gives roses to Ali, Gia, Tenley, and...VIENNA. What the what!? I thought thought he was going to pull the "dump 2 for the price of 1" gig, but alas he will meet Vienna's daddy...who she claims hates everyone she brings home. Great, good luck buddy!

Of course a teaser to next week and what I think is the whole pregnancy scandal. Can't wait.

The Bachelor: On The Road Again...

Despite feeling like crud, Hubby and I indulged in another drama-filled episode of the Bachelor.

Last week I didn't chime in.

I don't know, maybe I was uninspired...same garbage different night...wait, creepy Michelle got the boot, or booted herself, or ...anyway she's gone. Elizabeth's gone. Moving on.

In reality TV true-form, last night's episode scored some points with us, Jake is really holding his own on this show.

Showing some power as the man in charge of his love life, Jake sent 4 girls packing last night! FOUR! He was only asked to dump two. Go dude.

So on the road they go, all the girls in two RV's headed up the California Coast for a dysfunctional "family" vacation.

Finally stopping for some vineyard camping, Jake choose Gia for his one-on-one date. Gia is a city slicker, so immediately everyone believes she'll fail at the date and be sent home in her stilettos.

After acting age-5 with their games of hide and seek and spin-the-bottle, turns out the couple is really compatible. And sorta cute together. Well, cute in a Joker-meets-Calista Flockhart sort of way.

BY THE WAY....can anyone tell me how Jessie fits into this whole gig?! Yeah, Jessie, the dark haired, doe-eyed girl. WHAT?! You don't know who that is? Truly she hasn't had a second with Jake, and he's keeping around because...??

Anyway, the group date is next and more driving down the coast to Pismo Beach. The cast includes Vienna, Jessie (yes there is a Jessie on the show!), Ashleigh, Ali, Tenley, and Corrie.

The group plays in the sand by way of dune buggy, sand-boarding, and just rolling down hills on top of eachother. Corrie scores her first major points here with Jake and he's impressed. Later they head to the Madonna Inn to clean up and have some fun in the themed rooms.

The girls all hate Vienna, they think she's loud, obnoxious, and keep tattling to Jake how he needs to watch out. When alone together, Jake comes out and tells her he's starting to see what they mean, he basically says you are asking for it.

Tenley shares with Jake a bit more of her divorce story and while he's laying in her lap (hubby said it was like he was nursing...ew) she asks him if he's comfortable around her. "I'm laying in your lap!" he retorts. Yeah, duh. She ends up with the rose.

The last date is a double-team, Kathryn and Ella. Ella's the one with the son that Jake met last week. She is really pretty, there was potential there, but tonight he said goodbye to her, don't know if it was the instant-family, but she left. This left Kathryn giddy, but there was no connection there. Jake sent her home as well.

At the rose ceremony, more Vienna garbage and when Jake got down to his last 2 roses, he bolted to look for Chris. He cannot keep one more lady around that he doesn't see fit. The girls are shocked when Vienna is chosen to stay around and it's good bye to Ashleigh and Jessie.

I don't know who i'm going for anymore, I originally liked Ali, but she's stirring shit about Vienna left and right and made such a scene at the rose ceremony she was ridiculous. Tenley or Gia have my vote right now. Can this show take any more drama!?

Shocking Scandal on the Bachelor...really is it though?

Seriously, this girl Rozlyn with the big melons is sneaking around with Key Grip Johnny while she's trying to win the heart of Jake?!

Can we say SLUT?

How about that look on her face when Chris was telling her all about her indiscretions!? DUH?! And she goes on to say her personal life isn't anyone's business.... huh.

Poor Jake, he's seriously hurt by this. Hubby thinks he's dumb. Dumber than a pile of bricks. I think he's a hopeless romantic (heavy on the hopeless).

The other bachelorettes...act shaken by the whole thing but should be relieved that she's gone because she probably would have been there until the end.

Whatever, good riddance (and having read some further news online today, she has a 7-year old son too, she never mentioned him and has been arrested a few times in the past!).

Like anything "reality TV" or not, I shouldn't care, but for what it's worth it makes for exciting watching, this time with wine in our hands.

I like Ali. She's darling, genuine, and maybe just a tad naive, i'm sure she asked "who the heck is Chicago, I thought it was a city!?" when they danced the night away at their private concert.

Elizabeth, who I thought was normal-ish last week wrote a long-ass letter in the tiniest of writing to Jake and proceeded to read it to him at Magic Mountain. (I can't make this stuff up!).

She goes on to say she cannot allow Jake to kiss her until it's until death do we part...at first I thought what a whack-job, but then she's a tease and leaving something for him to think about. Smart move? Maybe.

Gia...has the Joker's smile and mouth. That's all.

Vienna gets odder each show, this time telling Jake after a break up at age 18 she ran off and eloped with a guy she hardly knew to rebel. Why he's keeping her must be in his contract, but RUN JAKE AS FAST AS YOU CAN FROM HER!

Michelle is still Mayor of CrazyTown. She threatened to leave because she didn't get invited on dates this week, packed up then stayed. She went and told Jake before the rumors got to him and could have possibly scored points with him because she is still around next week.

And...well are there any other girls left on the show!!?

Yeah, I know there are, but they're not getting much screen time. Maybe that's a good thing considering the alternative.

Oh dear god, please don't let them play that song again...I can't get "On the Wings of Love" out of my head.

Flight 2010 to Gagsville, Now Boarding

...it's baaaaaaaack!

The Bachelor is on like Donkey Kong (grabbed that from you Merrie).

And oh it's so trashy it's delicious.

Doesn't take much for me to be entertained, really.

My goal in life is to laugh and have fun.

The Bachelor satisfies part of that goal and then some.

Last night during the premiere, I whined a little beforehand that hubby and I didn't have our traditional bottle of wine to share.

It helps with digesting the absolute garbage you hear from 25 girls all vying to marry Jake after knowing him for a whole 20 minutes. Oh and he's the pilot, one of Jillian's toss-aways from last season's the Bachelorette, remember? He cried.

So anyway, hilariously enough, we didn't need the liquid encouragement. We laughed and joked enough about all the crazies that literally trip over their dresses to get one on one time with this year's bachelor.

Jake. He's the "nice guy" whining that that he never gets more than a first date because girls would rather have a man who's a little more of a jerk.

I don't know....maybe it's the whole "love is beautiful, love makes the world go round" and ooh dancing unicorns and rainbows mantra he has going on, and maybe it's the unnatural way he goes about finding his soul mate on national TV...but GACK! Dude MAN UP!

Whatever, it's entertainment, I have to remember that.

So there's the typical gaggle of girls. The really pretty ones that you wonder...why can't they find a real date?! (Elizabeth from NE and Ali).

The one with the kid...Ella.

The jealous crier...Michelle.

The one with GINORMOUS boobs...Rozlyn.

...and the over-confident one with "crazy eyes" according to hubby...Vienna.

Now Jake did say he had a sexual attraction to Rozlyn already...who wouldn't, I think I do too. But, he went on to add that wasn't ALL he was looking for in a woman.

Yeah..but he did give her a rose didn't he?!

So as the show normally does, it keeps drama around for drama's sake and for ratings. He kept Michelle and Vienna.

So I religiously will DVR this planewreck and will have my wine ready for next week's episode filled with the most drama-filled season yet.

Oh and DUH...he has his shirt off in 90% of all episodes.

Who's with me?!